Monday, August 31, 2009

thought of the day 2009 09 17 - I miss old Presidents

I like Obama, but I think I'd prefer to have Clinton or Reagan in Office. With Reagan, you knew your President was just a little fucking crazy and that scared our enemies. With Clinton, you knew our President was just a little bit corrupt and it's an impressive intelligence that can score blowjobs with all those Secret Service guys present

Sunday, August 30, 2009

thought of the day 2009 09 16 - when I die

Here's the thing, I'm not a Muslim, but if I were ever to blow myself up in the middle of a crowded market, I don't really care about the 72 virgins. First off, virgins? Really? Not that I'd want a giant slut, but I think I'd put "some experience required" on the job opening. And second of all 72 of them? really? At the same time? I'm already dead, 72 chicks would mean at least one AMI, if not more than one, not to mention the dehydration. That's just fucking crazy.

And let's be clear, at some point all 72 of them would probably have their cycle's sync up and that's jut a big fucking disaster waiting to happen. Eternity in a place where every few weeks I can expect to get yelled at and/or clawed? Pass.

No, if I were to blow myself up with 20 lbs. of Semtex strapped to my back, I'd want waffles. And not the frozen kind, but like good, freshly made Belgian waffles with real maple syrup...and bacon.

Thursday, August 27, 2009

thought of the day 2009 09 15 - Young

I'm going through cleaning up my music collection and I notice that I have a bunch of Crosby, Stills, Nash & Young songs but they're all named as "Crosby, Still and Nash" and it's pretty much like, well, fuck Neil Young. Even though I know some of the songs are all four of them. Anyway so now I have this odd fear that in my sleep Neil Young is going to break into my home with a baseball bat and beat me to death screaming "And Young MOTHERFUCKER! Crosby, Stills, Nash AND YOUNG!!!!!!!"

Wednesday, August 26, 2009

thought of the day 2009 09 14 - Catholics and hats

What the hell is it with Catholics and hats? I mean don't get me wrong, I still don't understand chicks and their fascination with shoes. The only Jimmy Choo I care about is the guy making my lo mein or the guy working the controls on a train. But Catholics and their hats go way beyond this. Have you see the pope hat? That thing is crazy. And maybe it's just me but it seems like a different one every time I see it. There's probably an entire building somewhere in the Vatican just to hold the Pope's hats.

thought of the day 2009 09 13 - getting older

After my birthday I've realized that I don't really look forward to getting older but I also don't necessarily mind it. The way I figure, If I'm in a stable relationship when I'm older senility will work in my a favor. I can forget anniversaries, birthday (my own included which I have a hard enough time remembering), even names. Consider when you hit 65 you wake up next to someone and you don't know what the hell is going on. If this happens when you're 25, score! If this happens when you're 65 and the other person is say, 35, SCORE!

thought of the day 2009 09 12 - fat

Okay so we know there's a lot of fat Americans. We also know there's a lot of plastic surgeons who do liposuction. Now obviously given the number of fat people, there's only a limited number of liposuctions (is that the plural?) that can go on throughout the country in a given day. BUT, what happens to all that fat? I mean shouldn't that be part of the federal energy independence plan?

Ted Kennedy just died. I mean don't get me wrong, I kind of liked the guy and he wasn't even my Senator but his chin(s) would have powered a fleet of vehicles around Boston for like a year. Imagine what would happen if someone from the department of Energy decided to put an alternative fuel station right next to each and every plastic surgeon's office in every major city. Instant national infrastructure for alternative energy sources.

Jared from Subway? That dude could have just sucked out all the fat and used it to power a private jet to fly around the nation extolling the virtues of the new national energy plan.

By the way ideas like this are why I should be elected to national office....or sent to an institution....or deported to Cuba, take your pick.

thought of the day 2009 09 11 - Oprah

I've never been one for organized religion but I think I've decided that from now on should I need to attend a religious service of some sort I'm going to pray to Oprah. Really it just makes the most sense to me. It's more of a practical religious step. Unlike Catholics who don't allow birth control but let their clerics molest kids, Oprah can guilt anyone into admitting their wrongs, it's like Catholic Confession but more effective and on national TV, so you don't have to hide in a little booth. Unlike Zen, you don't have to sit and meditate for hours on end, in fact you can jump up and down on a couch if you like. And, if you pray hard enough to Oprah, you might actually get a new car. Try praying to Jehovah for a new car, unless you're a televangelist, it ain't gonna happen, but it might happen when you pray to Oprah.

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

thought of the day 2009 09 10 - national debt

Watching the news tonight the national debt is projected to head towards $9 Trillion dollars. I have a solution though. China, you have a lot of people, lots of crowded cities. I'll sell you Texas. You don't have to ship all your cheap crap through Long Beach anymore, the air pollution in Dallas pretty damn nearly matches Beijing. Texas for nine trillion, what do you say?

And think about it America, what did we get from Texas besides Chuck Norris as Walker Texas Ranger? You got what? The city where JFK got shot, George W. Bush and a larger border with Mexico to police. I mean sure, Chuck Norris is so awesome he could police the entire border single handled but that doesn't break even. We can move NASA's command center from Houston to somewhere else. Aside from having to show my Visa if I want to go to Bone Daddy or listen to some music in Austin, there's really no downside to selling Texas.

thought of the day 2009 09 09 - better than sliced bread

Again I heard the expression "best thing since sliced bread today" and every time I hear that expression it pisses me off. There is nothing special about sliced bread. You know what's better than sliced bread? Delivery. Pizza, I can go to a Papa John's and pick up what is, in effect properly sauced, sliced bread. But delivery. That's just awesome. I don't even have to go anyway, I spend a few minutes on the phone and someone brings the sliced bread to me. Fucking awesome. I will henceforth only allow the phrase "next best thing since delivery" to be used. I may allow it to be modified as "food delivery" to avoid confusion.

thought of the day 2009 09 08 - improper responses

Every guy ever in a relationship longer than two weeks has gotten the "does this make me look fat?" question. It's inevitable. You show up after some bullshit late afternoon conference call at work and you just want to get some fucking dinner. Instead you have to deal with the question that has no good answer. I have instead come up with a number of apparently inappropriate answers, which in all fairness, at the time I thought were kinda funny.

1. Well wear more comfortable pants then. I don't have to fucking shimmy into my khaki's. My jeans do not require a shoehorn.

2. Have you ever just considered that maybe it's your ass and not your jeans?

3. You know who doesn't ask these questions? female suicide bombers. And I bet that vest full of Semtex probably does make her ass look fat.

cleaning up my music

Cleaning up some old music files, deleting stuff, making space.

I remember back when I was a kid a Hall & Oates song would come on the radio and they would announce the song and I would think wow "Holland Oats" are they dutch? They don't sound Dutch." Which is sad on two parts. First that yes, this was the level of my musical comprehension. I had no idea who Hall & Oates were. Except for the dude with a 'stache to rival Magnum PI. Second, I was enough of a nerd to recognize Holland = Dutch. Technically it doesn't count as Nerdy though because I knew it from Dutch Boy Paint.

Monday, August 24, 2009

thought of the day 2009 09 07 - Darfur and Rwanda

I kind of understand how the US military wants to do more humanitarian aid, especially in Africa but if all these people are starving does it really help to drop a bunch of corn there? I mean they still have to cook it and if they don't have food to cook, what's the chance of them having a working stove?

Plus we have a ton of fat kids in schools right? So why don't we just confiscate all the chips and soda and vending machine crap and dump that in Africa? Doesn't that make more sense? How many little starving Ethiopians would there be if every little kids had Twinkies and root beer whenever they wanted?

And how come people always want to send food to Africa, I bet they have a whole under served population of alcoholics that would love some NGO to send vodka. I envision air drops of cases of beer. "your children are starving and you're infected with HIV but can't afford the anti-retroviral drugs. It's Miller time!"

thought of the day 2009 09 06 - Rap music

I don't really like rap music. I don't really listen to it, but I do have to wonder. How come Tupac can get shot to death, we never find out who, and yet nobody's tried to kill Milli Vanilli? Biggie Small's get shot down. And yet Eminem's still walking around. How much of a fucking travesty is it that COLDPLAY IS STILL ALIVE! Music is just racist.

Friday, August 21, 2009

thought of the day 2009 09 05 - Female Presidents

It's not that I don't like Obama, as Presidents go, he's actually pretty good. But I still would have preferred Hillary. If nothing else, for Mount Rushmore. I mean you can't really put a black President on Mount Rushmore unless you like paint the rock, the skin tone would be all off. But a female President, you could do that in stone. I can just imagine like 50 years from now you have a team trying to chisel the top half of a giant set of boobs out of granite.

Thursday, August 20, 2009

thought of the day 2009 09 04 - The Power of Christ Compels You

I was thinking today about how in the Bible you get stuff about the birth of Christ and you get stuff about the death of Christ and you get some stuff in the middle about his deeds but you don't hear much about him growing up. Like there's no miracle turning water into wine when he was a teenager. I think he must have been like a normal teenager right? Goes through a rebellious streak where he's like, "shellfish? yeah, that's cool." Or you know, the hormones kick in and he walks around to girls going "The power of Christ compels give me a blowjob."

thought of the day 2009 09 03 - Statehood Day

As I write this, tomorrow is Statehood Day (21 Aug, 2009). Marks 50 years since Hawai'i became the 50'th United State. Still a few years out is Iraq as the 51'st. So we have the newest star on the flag. What right Utah, suck it bitch!

But I have to admit, I haven't seen or heard much about the semi-centennial in the news on the radio or on TV. Which is kind of surprising. I'd expect to hear more Hawaiians thanking whitey for you know, overthrowing their government, bombing an entire island just for target practice, the fucking Massie trial, taking our land, outlawing our language, just, you know, stuff. Then again, 50 years since we became a state and now we have Internet porn so I guess that sort of makes up for it.

thought of the day 2009 09 02 - video game careers

Passed an old Pac Man game today. Actually I think it was Mrs. Pac Man, but whatever. Odd that they never had any Pac babies. I'm just saying. But I digress. It got me thinking back to when I was younger and used to love video games. I used to love the racing games. I used to think that one day I might grow up to be a race car driver. Made me kind of wonder though, how you might be able to turn video game skills into careers. Like if you play Tetris a lot maybe you grow up to be the guy who has to load the baggage on the airplane. I'm good at Tetris, I think I could do that job. Or now they have Pocket God on the iPhone. I could be a deity. I would be an awesome deity. But then again, I'm good at Grand Theft Auto but I'd make a horrible carjacker.

thought of the day 2009 09 01 - Jeremy

Living in my apartment with me, somewhere, is a noisy gecko that I named Jeremy. After the character from the cartoon Zits. I mention this because I like to consider him a friendly gecko. I figure he's responsible for keeping the bug population under control here. I rarely see roaches, and not just because I'm blind as fuck; and though I recently saw a centipede the size of a Dune sandworm, quite frankly I can't blame him for that one. I'm way bigger than he is and I didn't want to approach the thing (except to crush it beneath a bath math). Let me tell you, that was a hell of a way to wake up in the morning. If I wasn't crazy fucking tired and not completely awake yet, I probably would have been way more freaked out. I think I'm actually more disturbed by the centipede now than I was a few days ago when I saw the centipede.

I mention this because it's summer, and it's hot, and when I sleep I don't fall when it's still kind of warm, maybe surf shorts, winter I'll wear longer scrubs type pants or even pajama's but summer, half the time it's so fucking hot in my apartment, I'll sleep naked and still feel like i'm living in something an Arizona prison warden might call "the box."

Now to be fair, I've given this gecko the name Jeremy which assumes that it's a he. I don't know that for sure. I haven't inspected that. So now, just this morning I woke up to the sound of Jeremy chirping. He makes this weird chirping noise and has really odd sleep habits. Anyway, since a few days ago when I saw that centipede any time I wake up and something surprises me, I immediately freak out a little bit. Like I wake up and smell coffee and go, "hey, wait a minute, I didn't make coffee, somebody broke into my place in the middle of the night and made me a pot of coffee. Damn." Then a little more consciousness dawns on me and I relax a bit like, "oh, no, that's right, I passed out in the alley behind the Starbucks last night."

That same kind of thing happened with Jeremy this morning, where I'm sleeping and it's too hot so I'm not wearing anything and I wake up and suddenly I'm afraid a gecko is going to sneak up on me while I sleep and bite my cock.

------Okay, see that, that was like a Dane Cook joke, It took way too long, meandered down a couple of small side jokes like some white guy trying to map out the Amazon river tributaries and in the end it was, at best, like half a chuckle.

thought of the day 2009 08 31 - I'm sorry

I have previous stated that Dane Cook is not funny. I'm sorry. Having been forced, under penalty of no phone sex to listen to all of his published material, I recant my statement. Dane Cook was funny, for a total of about eight minutes of jokes during which there was 15 seconds of punchline and like 23 seconds of chuckles.

He has exactly two funny jokes. One is about playing games like Call of Duty and how his Dad was in WWII and lived call of duty...except that his dad wasn't actually in WWII, he was in Korea. That was mildly amusing. Not so amusing that I can remember the punchline now, as I write this, but you know, chuckles were had. I mean it too long to get to the point of the fucking joke and when it takes 8 minutes of lead in I expect it to either be some really, really deep shit or it had better be a DAMN funny joke, but it make me smile which is more than I can say for most of his material. Second he has the joke about the needy kids on TV and how they need to replace the kindly looking old guy with some angry guy in a leather jacket who fucking yells at you because you're a selfish fuck who doesn't want to give 15 cents to help a needy kid. That made me laugh. For 14 seconds. I actually vocalized a laugh. It was memorable enough that I timed it. That, i will admit was funny.

Other than that, totally not funny. Su-Fi? really? George Carlin would have given Dane Cook a Cleveland Steamer for that sufi bullshit. The "Have you ever seen a mannequin you wanted to fuck" bit? Bill Hicks would take the mannequin and use it to anally fist Dane Cook. I'm fairly sure he would succeed in showing the whole head in there. I'm sorry but he he is exactly 23 seconds of mild giggles and some snickering and that's pretty much it. BUT, I was wrong, for 23 seconds, he was funny. So, I apologize.

thought of the day 2009 08 30 - the candy bar i want to invent

I'm going to make a candy bar. It'll have milk chocolate, but like the good European kind, not Hershey. Don't get me wrong, I'm a fan of the Mr. Goodbar but you can't touch Swedish or Dutch chocolate. Okay so milk chocolate and small clusters of hazelnuts and walnuts but chopped up and put into little piles to give it texture.

I'm going to call it craptacular.

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

thought of the day 2009 08 29 - I think I might be coming down with something

I was coughing some this afternoon and I am now officially never going to get sick again. I have no fucking clue how to buy cough syrup anymore. Jesus fucking Christ, I'm going to sound old, but I recall a time where there was cough syrup. You could choose between grape or cherry and that was pretty much fucking that. Adults would get the menthol halls, kids would get the cherry syrup. Done. Fucking done. Alright so you could choose between Robitussin or Dimetapp and the adults might get Sudafed instead of Halls. Now it's a fucking mess.

Sudafed isn't Sudafed because people use it to make meth so the active ingredient, pseudoephedrine can't even be used anymore. Do you know what pseudo means? It means false, break down the name of the active ingredient, it means false or fake ephedrine. This was replaced with a new decongestant, what the fuck? You're now giving me fake fake ephedrine? I am not fucking amused. I love Sudafed it knocks my ass unconscious I wake up some time later with what might be described as a form of short term lacular amnesia and I'm done. Now I take 15 fucking tablets and I still feel like shit.

Okay so on top of getting fake drugs, I can't even decide what fake drugs to get because I don't understand what half these products are. When did "extra strength" become the norm? What if I just want normal strength? Do they even have that anymore? Or do I just try to OD on the childrens' stuff?

There's long lasting or fast acting, over the counter, extra strength, maximum strength, PE, DM, fucking acronyms I'm sure even the people who make the shit don't know...I WANT THE ONE THAT FUCKING WORKS. I WANT THE LITTLE FUCKING BOX OF PILLS THAT WILL MAKE IT SO THAT WHEN I WALK AROUND IT DOESN'T SEEM LIKE A SURLY CONSTRUCTION WORKER IS JACKHAMMERING THROUGH MY FUCKING SKULL WHILE A PUERTO RICAN GAY GUY SINGS SHOW TUNES AT ME THROUGH MY PANCREAS. How difficult can this be? Choice is an evil, evil fucking thing.

Oh and I have to say, some marketing douche needs to check his adjectives. Turns out the Extra Strength stuff had more (in grams) of the same active ingredients than the maximum strength. I beg to fucking differ, you might have extra but if I've got the maximum that should be as much of the fucking painkillers as is possible under the laws of physics for you to cram in there. Fuck the FDA, if the FDA was so concerned they'd be regulating you better. No my marketing friend, "extra" should not have more than "maximum". You know how I can prove it to you? Next time you step in an elevator try this. Say the elevator is designed to hold about 8 people. Go ahead and put a ninth person in there. That's extra. Now say the elevator is designed to hold a maximum of 1800 lbs. Here hold my elephant for me. Now fall you rat fuck. Fall like the little corporate monkey you are, trying to tell me that you've reached the maximum when there's a different product out with the same brand name that has more stuff in it.

Sadly, of all the different ones I saw the only active ingredient I know of off the top of my head was DXM, dextromethorophan, which is actually a mild form of hallucinogenic in the right quantities. I need to down the whole fucking package of those and just let my Indian spirit guide tell me which meds to get.

Sunday, August 16, 2009

thought of the day 2009 08 28 - Costco

I like Costco but there are certain things I wouldn't buy there. Like pancake mix for example. I enjoy a good pancake as much as the next guy but I don't need to be feeding the Russian Army with buttermilk for the next three weeks so I prefer to buy pancake mix at a supermarket in a size smaller than 'grain silo'. But there are certain things that I love to buy from Costco. Deodorant for example. Never goes bad so it doesn't matter when you use it. I don't think I can eat a five gallon bucket of pickles but I think I can make use of deodorant before it spoils. As long as you're not in your 80's, stage four cancer or going to get smacked by a bus tomorrow, you're going to make use of it.

And then if you go to Costco the chances of you getting to that little nub of deodorant one morning are pretty much nil. That final stage of life for deodorant where the thing falls apart and you're left basically scratching yourself with a piece of plastic. Then you have to sort of play the same game you do with soap when the soap is almost gone, do you pick up the little pieces and try to use that so you don't smell all day, do you grab a new one, or do you just decide to be French for a day until you can get to a drug store. Never a worry with Costco because you will ALWAYS, for the rest of your life, have deodorant.

Just to be clear, when the zombies come, my first stop will be Costco. Then Tahiti, because zombies don't swim well.

thought of the day 2009 08 27 - legalize it

Here's the thing, I don't smoke weed really, but I think it should be legalized. Normal cigarettes, every single pack comes with a warning on it. When was the last time you saw a warning on a pack of weed? Call up your weed guy and ask for a bag, there's no mention of cancer anywhere on there. Also you have Kumar working as the fucking White House Liasion, so why the hell not?

thought of the day 2009 08 26 - strippers

I've been to strip clubs, not really my thing, but walked past one on my way home last night and it got me thinking. You know how there's like different stripper costumes? Like usually they're revolved around different professions right? sexy nurse, sexy policewoman, sexy french maid, sexy schoolgirl, whatever. You know what you never see: sexy civil servant. Sometimes you'll get the sexy secretary, but haven't you wondered what kind of job would have a secretary and why that person couldn't have a stripper costume and "sexy" prefixed to it? Like sexy accountant, or sexy trusts and estates lawyer. You know what you really never see? sexy hobo. Why is that? Can't homeless people be sexy too? There must be some, urine scented, slightly disheveled with that "just woke up from napping on the bus bench" look with a little bit of cleavage action going on.

thought of the day 2009 08 25 - Limitations of Facebook

Had a customer of mine 'friend' me on Facebook. I like that idea, they're a very good customer, but there are limits. Like I was thinking about Obama. His campaign used YouTube and lots of social networking websites and he's the tech President and shit, and he had a Blackberry. Great. But I wouldn't add Obama to my Facebook. It's not that I don't think he would have good ideas, it's just that I don't want to encourage someone in the highest office in the land to be goofing off at 2 AM like fucking playing Bejeweled. And yeah, I realize it would kinda be funny to see "you just got poked by Barack the Vote!" but I expect more from my President. I sure he could fucking clean up in Mafia Wars but at the same time, I don't want him scrolling through my news feed looking at what I thinking about when I stumble home drunk or having to respond to 25 million chain letters asking him to fill out fucking questionnaires about his high school. Quite frankly, I know everything I want to know about Punahou.

Saturday, August 15, 2009

thought of the day 2009 08 24 - birthdays

My birthday is coming up again. Had a couple of people ask me what I'm going to do. I'm not going to do anything. My birthday isn't special. There are only certain birthdays that you should celebrate. When you're a kid. You get birthday's, right up until 10. Then you get to celebrate your birthday when you're 13 because you're a teenager. Then you get to celebrate 18 because you can vote and smoke legally. You get to celebrate 19 because you're no longer a teenager. You don't get to celebrate 20 because you shouldn't have too many birthdays in a row but you do get to celebrate 21. You celebrate that one in particular and it's a fucking bash. After that you get 30, 40 you can hire a 19 year old stripper. You get 50 and 60 and from the point of your 21'st birthday you get one birthday a decade and that's it.

thought of the day 2009 08 24 - funerals

Everybody looks peaceful when they're dead. They all have that sleeping pose. Even people who die in horrific accidents like getting smacked by a car or something, they get all done up and they look peaceful.

When I go out I want to do it differently. At my funeral, open casket and my body should be in the werewolf pose from Thriller, except completely naked....for the ladies.

thought of the day 2009 08 23 - Catholics and guilt

when it comes to religions Catholics I have to say, are hands down the most guilty. Taoism, you don't have priests saying "he died for YOU." But Catholics, your symbol is a guy hanging on a cross, looking down at you going, "see this, all this dying, this is because of you!. Your fault!".

On the other hand, I would like to visit the Vatican, I imagine it as like Disneyland but for Jesus.

thought of the day 2009 08 22 - Rock Band

Here's the thing. So lately I've been on this Rush trip. Like the band...Rush...Like the fucking most awesome rock band ever? Shut the fuck up, I'm not that old. How do you not know Rush. Oh you know who Jimi Fucking Hendrix is but you don't know Rush? No, it's Jimi, not Jimmy. How many years did you spend in school and you don't know that? What the hell are they teaching you? Christ almighty Di, you have no sense of quality music. Oh I beg to fucking differ woman, Kelly Clarkson has a very nice voice but her career does not constitute that of a rock god. And so what if I do listen to Van Morrison?!?! Oh, I'm sorry, um COLDPLAY! What the fuck.

Getting off topic. So I decided that i need to create a new game. Instead of that Rock Band game where you can play the different instruments, I need to create a board game that parents can play with their kids. It'll like bring the family back together and shit. It'll work like this. You pick a band and list all the people and you have to decide what each person is mostly like to do. Like how the drummer is always "most like to die of a cocaine overdose while banging 7 groupies backstage at some shit club in San Francisco" or how the bass player is aways "most likely to have a boring ass job painting houses while he waited for the band to 'make it'." So you get together pictures of the band and you all go around and decide what each person is "most likely" for. But there have to be rules. There has to be some challenge to it. For example, you can't say that the lead vocalist is most likely to commit suicide because nobody "gets him." There has to be some challenge to it. No, like with the drummer, you have to specify what drug or combination of drugs cause the overdose. It's hard. So that's my idea. I'm going to make that game.

I do not have too much free time.

thought of the day 2009 08 21 - Willis Tower

First off, I don't give a shit who bought what, it's still the Sears Tower and anyone who says different can suck it. But one interesting thing I learned while waiting to take the minute plus elevator ride to the observation deck, was that they built the tower as a series of tubes. That's right, because they're stronger. The Sears fucking tower is a series of tubes, And being that Obama's from Chicago, that would mean he was part of creating the Interwebs just as much as Al Gore. But I digress. The thing I wanted to mention was that during the little mini film they had playing it was mentioned that the explanation for how the nine different tubes would work together was done with cigarettes. That's right kids, you can't be a world famous architect and design super badass structures with thousands of miles of copper and fiber optic cable unless you're a smoker. So light up there junior because in order to understand the strength of reinforced tubes you're going to have to learn how to suck down a pack a day and get lung cancer by the time you're 40.

Marlboro, supporting American architectural innovation and record breaking skyscraper since 1902.

thought of the day - RUSH!

I may be a little bit drunk here, but is Rush not the GREATEST FUCKING BAND OF ALL TIME!?!?!?! I don't really have a joke here. I'm just saying, I don't care if they're Canadian, Rush fucking rocks.

thought of the day 2009 08 20 - lab animals

I'd like to suggest that we use new and different animals for testing. It's important to understand how things effect animals beyond white mice and rhesus monkeys. For example, laboratory puppies. It's been suggested that every time you watch Fox news a puppy dies. But how do you test that hypothesis without a lab full of cuddle puppies that might get maimed? And laboratory pandas could be used to test the effectiveness of new forms of color dyes. And some laboratory baby beluga whales could be used to test the efficacy of drift nets as pertains to fisheries destruction. These are important scientific concepts which demand new lab animals.

Thursday, August 13, 2009

thought of the day 2009 08 19 - robomallcop

Remember Robocop? I used to love Robocop, it was like Terminator but like not evil and trying to kill humanity and shit. But I now I kind of wonder what the long term plan was with Robocop. Like he's still part human right? So he's got to age. So when he hits like 60, maybe 65 'cause he's mostly robot, then he'd retire. But what do you do when you're a retired Robocop? I have a hard time imagining that after years on the force you could feel fulfilled being Robomallcop or like Robo Airport Security.

I just can't imagine that after killing bad guys with automatic pistol fire and acid, that you could stand there with the Robocop voice and go "please remove your shoes and place them in the bins."

thought of the day 2009 08 18 - cell phones

When I got my first cell phone, they still hadn't completely come into the mainstream so they were kind of expensive. But when I got it, someone gave me the advice that I shouldn't be using my cell phone when I'm walking around late at night because someone would see me with it, think I had a lot of money and I'd get mugged.

Now I have the phone that came free with the plan and I'm pretty sure nobody would mug me for the phone. Sadly, even the guy who pulls a knife on me now probably has the iPhone he picked off of some other retard walking around Chinatown at 2 AM.

Tuesday, August 04, 2009

thought of the day 2009 08 17 - Old Navy

If I get my ass kicked out of an Old Navy, is that the same thing as being dishonorably discharged?