Friday, July 20, 2012

Democracy Inaction

Okay, just so I'm clear on this, Jury Duty notices come to me even if I don't want or ask for them, but I have to proactively take steps to register to vote? That seems kind of wrong. Maybe I'd vote for the guy who would overturn that bullshit law.

Wednesday, July 18, 2012


I was on a date the other day.

Okay, let's be honest, I wasn't on a date, just play along with the joke. That's how this shit works.

So I was on a date the other day and the chick I was on the date with asked me what my goal in life is. Look, I'm over 30, have a relatively stable paycheck. I don't really have any goals. I mean, maybe sleeping with two girls at the same time, but really more of a bucket list kind of thing rather than a goal. I don't fucking know what my goal should be. Most people don't. That's how they get people to articially inseminate Pandas.

You think there was a budding young USC film student out there who decided to try and corner the market for Panda pornography and another ardent environmentalist who was so worried about the future of the Panda that he decided to devote his life to jerking off Chinese bears? You don't need to be an environmentalist to do that. There are tons of gay guys on Hollywood Blvd that spend thir days jerking off Chinese bears. That shit's not a goal. It's what you do for a paycheck.

I don't want to make a big difference in the world. I don't want to marry the girl of my dreams; I don't want to marry the guy of my dreams, the guy I've been dreaming about lately is like 350 lbs. of muscle, has a shaved head and neo-Nazi tats and scare the bejezzus out of me.

So I guess if I had a goal in life, it would be this: to be the answer to a Jeopardy! question, as long as it doesn't involve the record for molesting sheep.

Friday, July 13, 2012

The doctors I know have a lot less sex than the ones on Grey's Anatomy

I rarely see doctors. In fact I just had to call p to deal with a bill from the doctors who did my physical related to the cataract thing from a couple of years ago and as it turn out HSMA denied the claim because I didn't have a referring doctor, because, well, I didn't really have a doctor.... but that's a different story.

I was listening to an audiobook this evening and fell asleep. In the dream I just woke up from, there's a psych doc who's been in dreams of mine before, but usually it's just me getting frustrated because she can't come up with a diagnosis. In fact one time I remember; I'm not sure "remember is the right word when we're talking about a doctor that only exists in my imagination, but for lack of a better term, we'll say remember, that she once diagnosed me with PTSD. And once, with a phobia of eggs (that one I think is just the fact that it's a dream and not the fact that I think of psychology as medicine in the same way that I think of decaf as coffee.

Anyway, so this time she came up with a relatively decent and likely diagnosis. Which means the imaginary head doctor in my dream may have just had a breakthrough to fix my head...all of which makes me think I'm quite possibly crazier now.

Tuesday, July 03, 2012


When you still have holes in your mouth where teeth used to be it's not called "drinking too much" it's called 120 proof single malt mouthwash

Daily Music

Some days are like jazz, you kind of improvise you way along and hope the rest of the band can follow along. Some days are like pop songs and you bounce along without much of a care. Some days are classical and you keep steady time with sharp clear notes and the entire orchestra working in concert with each other. was motherfucking punk rock, I feel tired, angry and a little dirty.