In Case of Emergency

Can I get George Clooney's phone number?  I'd like to add him as my emergency contact. It's not that I know they guy or anything, I just get the sense that he'd be really good in a crisis situation.

The 7 Dwarfs

Disney needs to be a little more specific, Snow White and THE seven dwarfs. Are they the only 7? Casting just have been a pain in the ass. I'm glad they weren't all spread around, one per continent like a Dan Brown novel or something and that they all happened to speak the same language. Unless there's  more than 8 in which case maybe, the 7 dwarfs in this particular enchanted forest or like the 7 dwarfs from Pittsburgh or something. Just saying, specificity counts.

The Whole Shebang

I don't know. It's a holiday so I slept in and I just got up. Haven't even had coffee yet. I don't want the whole shebang, give me like half a shebang. Maybe a third, I'll deal with the rest of the shebang later.

First Commandment

somebody 'splain to me the first commandment, if you're God and you make everything then command people to have no other gods before you, can't you jut get rid of that one by not creating other gods? I mean if you're such a juvenile, pretentious douche as to make that the first commandment, why go through the hassle of creating other gods for people to worship before you? Seems like a systemic error unless you just like doling out wrath for shits and giggles

Gun Control

I've not been shot and thus far in my life been able to avoid most situations in which getting shot might be a possibility, but I'm generally apathetic towards guns. Really the only reason I suppose gun control legislation is that I'm not legally allowed to drive a car because of nerve damage in my eye and yet I can legally own a gun. In many states, someone who's legally blind, perfectly okay for them to own a gun. No real joke here I'm just saying, I can't drive, but a semi-automatic being safer than me on a freeway at night seems counterintuitive.

Pac Men

Pac man is a big yellow dot, Mrs. Pac Man is a big yellow dot with a bow, they both go around eating little yellow dots. Are they eating their own kids? No wonder the ghosts want to kill them. Cannibalize your own children and you think eating a couple of fruits is going to make up for that? If I was the ghosts of all the little Pac babies that got eaten, I'd be pissed too.

Butterscotch

When I was younger I used to complain that butterscotch should have more of the scotch and less of the butter. These days I think it's the opposite

Medical Marijuana Cards

Does anybody know if I can get a medical marijuana card for allergies? Like being allergic to stupid people? Because I think I need to be stoned for some of these meetings I've been in lately? Granted, LSD might put me in a more sympatico mindset, but I think weed would to just fine.

WWJD

Not to re-hash an old meme, but I think the real question isn't what but Who Would Jesus Do? Because if you can the son of God and a virgin birth to break chastity, you've got to be something pretty special right?

Well maybe not to me personally since I'm kind of more of the opinion that Christianity is basically just syndicating Jesus from the Jews, but you know, for believers.

Eyebrows

I do believe in evolution but I have to admit, I'm conflicted. Take the eyebrow, I can't think of any evolutionary purpose for the eyebrow. They're too small to keep the forehead warm, too small for the comb-over thing balding people like to do. I mean I guess they could serve as temporary shelter for displaced pubic lice, but really the only reason I can think of for eyebrows is that you'd look pretty fucking stupid without them wouldn't you?

Mario and Fredo

If I was to make Super Mario Bros. into a mafia movie like the Godfather, would that make Luigi Fredo?

Zombies

Am I on the set of The Walking Dead or is the zombie apocalypse real?

Oh, neither, just a homeless guy.

Plantations

I am led to understand, from the dictionary, that the primary difference between a farm and a plantation is that a plantation focuses on a single crop whereas a farm tends to diversify. That the establishment known as the Soup Plantation offers a variety of different, albeit delicious soups as well as other foodstuffs,  seems to indicate that the term farm would be much more applicable. I would thus contend that the primary focus of this organization is bullshit.