Wednesday, May 30, 2007

War on Terror, etc.

I kind of understand the idea of Islamic terror groups attacking America. I mean, we're the enemy and you want to inflict fear. What I don't get is why we don't respond in kind. How many Mormons, Jehovah's Witnesses and Hare Krisha's do we have here that we could draft and send over to the Middle East to go knock on doors there? Loads of them. And it solves two birds with one stone because they're no longer bothering me. You want to scare a bunch of Muslims, toss a couple hundre Mormon's across the desert and watch them scatter like roaches.

And hell, it's probably even good from their respective religions point of view as well. I mean let's say that some Jehovah's witness manages to actually convert some fundamentalist Muslim, isn't that an awesome 'get' for God? And the Mormon's already have an 'in', both religions have a history of polygamy. Scam your way in the door like an Encyclopedia salesman, convert a family or two and Joseph Smith will smile down upon you from whatever level of heaven he's in. It just makes sense.

Monday, May 28, 2007


How come every time you see a ghost, either in life or in a movie, it's white. Was there never a time that some Indian, Asian, or black guy decided to come back and huant somebody? And if they do, do they come back white too?

Sunday, May 27, 2007

The Force of Indigestion

I was watching Star Wars this weekend. I saw the original trilogy, but I noticed something this time that I never quite noticed before. How is it that the Jedi know when there's some disturbance in the Force? How do they know it's not just indigestion? Is there something in the years and years of training in the arts of kicking ass that lets them differentiate say, the death of another Jedi from acid reflux? How is it that they can tell the difference between a planet getting blown up by a Death Star and the bowl of alien curry from last night?

And what if he's wrong? What, just by chance, a Jedi eats a bean and cheese burrito, get's a little gassy and thinks the universe is going to end? What does he do then?

Saturday, May 26, 2007

Legalize Marijuana

I want to legalize marijuana. Not because I smoke it, but because I think it would be great if on ER or House you could hear one of the doctor's say "Nurse, get this man 20 CC's of weed STAT!" Or you walk into a hospital surgical ward somewhere and overhear a conversation between a patient and a doctor, "well Nicole, it appears to me that you may be suffering from severe THC defciency. I'm going to reccomend daily treatments, do you prefer tea, cookie or spliff."

Plus half the cast of Grey's Anatomy looks stoned anyway and I have no idea how there'd be so much fucking going on in a hospital otherwise so, that works.

Friday, May 18, 2007

I thought I understood

I thought I understood logistics pretty well. I mean not mastered it, but I figured I knew logistics and planning pretty decently. But I am totally fucking stumped. How is it that a guy who weights 1200 pounds and can't get out of his bed can continue to eat? I mean, sure Pizza Hut delivers, but not to your bedroom. And more over, how does a guy that can't stand up start dating a person 1/12 his size. The guys left tit weighs more than the girlfriend. I am totally fucking stumped.

Wednesday, May 16, 2007

I want to see other people

Just to be clear in case there's some confusion, because apparently there is, when somebody says they want to see other people, they don't mean the same crazy chick with the multiple personality disorder.

And just because I'm blind doesn't mean you can put your hair up and think that I don't recognize you. I'm blind, but I'm not that blind....well yeah I am, but it's still a stupid idea.

Monday, May 14, 2007

The economy of alcohol

I think that the entire economy of alcohol production is base on love. Either tricking people so you can get some, or drinking more because you lost it.

Why is life so hard?

It's not that life sucks. It's that the people who make scotch need to stay in business.