Aging

 Nobody ever said "you look good for your age" when I was, like, 20.

Calories

 The calories don't count if they come from scotch, right?

I might need to get some CDC guidance here...

Conclusions

 Let's assume for half a second your ridiculous vaccine conspiracy theories are true. It'll kill people or turn them into mutant-lizard hybrids or whatever. So the people that are left to keep the power and water on are going to be the ~20% that don't get the vaccine. That leaves me with a few medical exceptions that can't take it and the extended family of Florida Man. Thanks, but I'll drink the fucking kool-aid.