Sunday, March 29, 2015


Let's say you're a small child and you get turned into a vampire for some reason. Like, you have terminal cancer or you're at the center of some hidden conspiracy to rule the planet or something. You're a kid but also a vampire. Do you need to be taught not to run with scissors?


"Maybe she's born with it, maybe it's Maybelline." So the message here is that in all probability, you're ugly but if you spend a bunch of your money on our stuff you might be able to trick people?

Billion Dollar Idea

I have this idea for a film. It takes place in a 24 Hr. Fitness. Kiefer Sutherland, as Jack Bauer just starts his morning workout when he gets a disturbing text message. He must stay on the stationary bicycle and keep it going faster than 24 miles per hour, or the building will explode. Dennis Hopper is called in to diffuse the bomb and does so, but in a twist ending, just as he disarm the bomb, his hand gets caught in the stationary bike’s mechanisms and is permanently damaged. Michael Bay directs. The working title is Life Cycle, but only until I can clear the rights to a better name.

Friday, March 27, 2015

Size matters

When you keep talking about how big yours is, it makes me think you're ethic, what did you think I was talking about.

Thursday, March 26, 2015


If you're an attorney, isn't putting "at law" at the end of that just a bit ridiculous? I mean it's not like some guy on a boat is an "attorney at fishing" or the guy in the cockpit is an "attorney at flight". At the very least you're being pretentious so just, you know, knock it off.

And before some nitpicky 2L points it out, yes attorney can also refer to an attorney-in-fact, that is, someone with power of attorney. If you even thought about adding that comment as a correction, you should be fucking shot

I think there's only one exception to that .If you're Attorney General you can add whatever you like. If you want to be Attorney Genera at Law or Attorney General Esq. that's fine. But only because you have the title "General" in there and it'll make the dumb people think you can call up a tank brigade.

On a side note, how cool would it be if you were Attorney General and you had a tank that could fire dis-barred lawyers like Sabot rounds? That would be awesome. That would make me want the job. That or if someone had posters that said "Attorney-at-Play". It would be much better to be an attorney-at-play than to be an attorney-at-law

Not the best way I could have responded to that college kid...

...yeah, but you know what's even worse for the environment than that? Having kids. You wouldn't be so worried about China if it had the same population as the Maldives would you? So drive your electric car and have your solar panels. Just realize that your procreation is ruining the planet for the future.

Friday, March 13, 2015

Science Fiction

Some people get a little fearful watching science fiction movies. Not me, I think the robots and the apes will just kill each other and ignore us. Then when the zombies come they'll all be ape zombies or robot zombies and our brains will be useless too them. Not as useless as our brains are to us judging by a few of the conversations I had at work today, but still, pretty darn useless.