Monday, January 28, 2013


Saw a couple kissing today. I'm not a big fan of PDA, but it wasn't really offensive or anything. The way I figure, true exhibitionists would be fucking on a glass bottomed boat so that scuba divers and fish can watch them. Seems only fair that if Animal Planet can go around filming animal porn, then a few turtles should be able to watch people.

Ethnic Food

I ended up eating some left over Malaysian food for dinner. And I guess I never really thought about it. I mean I know there's food in Malaysia and I conceptually understand that it's not as if the entire country is ordering out for pizza or Thai; but I guess I never conceptually though of Malaysian as it's own food category. Not that they don't deserve it, very tasty noodles and all.

But it made me think about the last time I had "ethnic" food. Do Swedish meatballs" count?

Friday, January 18, 2013


Overheard while getting breakfast this morning "that's the most vile thing I've ever put in my mouth. And I used to give Ted blowjobs." I was simultaneously sorry for and jealous of Ted.

Also, I went somewhere else for breakfast.

In fact I had chicken and fried rice with egg for breakfast, it was good. Chicken and eggs, I was ending multiple generations of poultry in a single meal. I wonder if that's what Hitler felt like. Gotta say, it was pretty fucking delicious.

But I'm still kinda jealous of Ted.

Thursday, January 17, 2013


Some Jehovah's Witnesses came by over the weekend and dropped off their magazines. I finally got around to flipping through them and I have to say, Watchtower needs a sex advice column if they have any hope of increasing circulation.

Saturday, January 05, 2013

Christians and Vampires

Why the Christian fascination with vampires? I’ve yet to see a Jewish vampire, though I suppose it might be difficult to determine if drinking that shiksa’s blood is kosher. And I guess  a Buddhist vampire might be confusing since you don’t see fat vampires, but still, seems kind of discriminatory.


I’m kinda paranoid about cancer, but that paranoia has really only proven to me that women think about things in more depth than men. At best we really only think about the next step ahead. Like with cancer, women are supposed to do a regular breast self exam. Now my first thought is that’s kind of hot. Seems like a good opportunity for me to earn some relationship points by doing a good thing and at the same time I’d get to feel up a girlfriend. Maybe even start something else and get past second base. That sounds like a pretty good plan right? You get to handle boobs and  not only does it promote health, it’s like your good deed for the day. That’s a great win-win situation...... but then, as my girlfriend pointed out, what happens if you find a lump? You’d be in the middle of trying to get some. Hard dick and everything, and all of a sudden you have to stop and be all “, I think you might have cancer.”


You can tell a lot about someone from what you see in the checkout line at the store. Someone buying frozen dinners and pre-mixed salad in a bag is single, Someone buying fruits, vegetables, whole grain bread and brown rice is probably pretty healthy. My cart had a bag of coffee, toothpaste, a pair of shoes and a box of condoms. What the hell does that say about me? Well, I think it says that I’m not a Mormon, never had a cavity, walk a lot and indulge in wishful thinking.

New Years Resolution

New Years Resolution. “Bah!”. I said. “I’m already pretty awesome.” But then I thought about it and there should always be some room for improvement, so I figure this year I resolve to be less awesome so that next year and can come back and be more awesome again.

Thursday, January 03, 2013


I’ve been told that the male upper body, at least one in good shape, is supposed to be kind of like a “V” shape. My physical alphabet however, is all fucked up. Last time I looked in a mirror I was more like a  “B” when viewed from the side. I blame the holidays, but let’s be honest, "B" is pretty much my normal shape at this point. I’d even like to say that it’s a lowercase “b” but between the holiday snacking and near total lack of exercise on my part I’ve been growing some dude boobs and graduated to an uppercase B. Hell, if I keep it up I might end up as a B-cup. Sigh.  Still, the nerd  in me wants to point out that “V" and “B” are right next to each other on the keyboard and which means that as far as my computer is concerned, a minor slip of the pointer finger and I could have a “V” shaped upper body too. 

Wednesday, January 02, 2013


I hate Costco. Costco when you're single only leads to problems. Whether its gluttonously eating a dozen muffins, each of which could feed an entire Ethiopian village for a week or eating a pie the size of Milwaukee.

I usually buy like a pack of gum at the check out but you can't do that at Costco. If you buy gum at Costco you have to take up smoking just do you can quit chewing gum.


I had a ten minute argument today about whether Obama is a socialist. He's not. At most, he's a Marxist, and let's be honest, it's really only Groucho.