Sunday, August 25, 2013


I've come to the understanding that decaf coffee is to me, like intelligent alien life to the religiously devout. It may or may not exist but I choose to deny its existence.

Saturday, August 24, 2013


It occurs to me now, after the fact that I'm kind of like the gay best friend, but with less fashion sense, more facial hair and the gay people I know have a much easier time getting laid.


Just had a nice "organic" bison burger for dinner with my friend Nikki. It was the only meat on the menu that was specifically listed as organic, which leads me to believe there was a plastic chicken somewhere. Next time though I want the inorganic bison. The one that was shot up with all kinds of weird shit, like he was 9000 of steroid and hormone fueled rage. I want the bovine equivalent of A-Rod served medium rare on a bun. Just because.

Saturday, August 17, 2013

Anne Hathaway

In every practicable way I know the difference. Grammatically, hell even dramatically if we're talking movie roles. But for some reason, every time I hear the name Anne Hathaway, my brain goes to the word anathema and vice versa. For no good goddamn reason. It's involuntary at this point. It's like the name Anathema is entirely anne hathaway to my ability to use language properly.

Scales of crazy

Since the biblical recording of Adam and Eve, relationships have been doomed because of some crazy shit some woman did. And while I don't think that your actions rank up there on the scale of crazy, it was still pretty fucking dumb and we're not going to talk about it. Or really talk at all anymore. So, yeah. Bye.

Thursday, August 15, 2013


I'm a bit conflicted. The kid has a "life skills" class in school. And on the one hand, I'm sure he'll be learning useful things like how to balance a checkbook (even though nobody writes checks anymore) or how to manage a budget or time management or whatever. On the other hand I don't really think his school is going the be teaching him the real, important life skills that would be genuinely useful; how to psychologically manipulate coworkers into doing what you want them to, how to pick or otherwise bypass locks, how to properly use a butterfly knife to open your mail, how to think critically about the vast majority of stupid that you'll have to listen to for hours and hours on end to the point that you wish you were deaf instead of blind because I gauran-damn-tee you that none of these idiots knows sign language. Oh, yeah, sign language, they should teach that. Or even just the stuff that'll apply to his generation like learning how to pirate your own shit on the Internet so you don't have to ask someone else, who maybe has better things to do, how to use bittorrent.