Monday, August 28, 2006

Stupid People and Birth Control

Maka makes a good point. since birth control is widely available now, why the hell are there so many stupid people? I mean don't get me wrong, I understand there's a lot of people too stupid to stop either knocking people up or getting knocked up, but now you can do something about it! Do your part for the future of the planet and stop procreation. You can make a difference! You have the power! Stop making stupid people. Please. If you don't know what procreation means, it isn't something you should be doing, so knock it the fuck off. You have a responsibility to the rest of us not to piss in our gene pool.

New Fat People Rule

I realize I'm not skinny, but here's Commandment 11 for fat people: thou shalt not weight more than the flatbed truck you have to use to haul your chubby ass around.

Sunday, August 27, 2006

Names and Faces

I have a horrible time remembering people's names. I'm even bad with faces. It's "hey, you're that girl from that place, the one with the shitty coffee." Sad really. I remember the coffee, but not the girl. Anyway, as annoying as that is, there are some upsides to it. For example, it means that every time I see a beautiful face twice, I'm impressed all over again. And now for the dirty version of that same thought, every time I see a great rack on someone it's just like the first time. Besides, between an awesome chest and some name, what the hell would you be paying more attention to?

Tuesday, August 22, 2006

Kids Voting

I'm all for trying to get kids to participate in politics and vote and shit, but after watching a couple minutes of the Teen Choice Awards last night, fuck that. Seriously, this is why you can't vote until your old enough to smoke. People that dumb should not be allowed to vote on anything that matters. A pregnant Britney Spears and her no-talent jackass of a sperm donor? These are your role models?Seriously? Seriously? You kids are not allowed to touch a fucking voting booth until your out of college. Or at least out of special ed. Retards.

Monday, August 21, 2006

Secret to Long Life

The Chinese have lots of tricks for long life. Long noodles symbolize long life. A Chinese friend of mine says that her secret to staying young is vitamins and lots of water. Which is really kind of funny since my secret is barley and hops.

Friday, August 04, 2006

Street lights

I don't think there are any street lights anymore. We don't need them. It's so fucking hot that when birds land somewhere and try to rest aon a phone pole or a street sign, they just catch on fire and light our way. That's it, no street lights, just birds on fire and weather hot enough to make my living room feel like Satan's ass crack.

Wednesday, August 02, 2006

My Ex

I finally figured out how my ex ended up with the guy she's screwing now: there are some jobs even illegal mexican immigrants won't do.

Fish Bladders

Why do fish have bladders? It's not like they need to hold it. They're in water their whole lives. When was the last time a fish needed to worry about shitting itself? Need to go, then you damn well go. All they really need a tube...Kind of like the tubes that make up the internet


You want to know why moterfucker? Karma. That's why.