Monday, October 31, 2011

Halloween 2011

Downtown on Halloween is an interesting place. Working next to a college I see 18-22 year old women dressed as slutty everything. Slutty nurse, slutty witch, sexy librarian, I even saw a slutty frog. It’s like the perfect excuse to release the inner ho-bag....and then there’s the homeless people releasing their outer hobo.

Also, and total non sequitur, I kind of feel like staying up all night to play Halo if for no other reason than I can call it Halo-ween. I'm that lame.

Saturday, October 29, 2011

Oh and further evidence of why I'm still single.

Dinner tonight, in part had this conversation:

"alright, fine, if you are what you eat and cows eat grass, than this steak makes me like a fucking super vegetarian. Like, vegetarian from concentrate."

reasons I'm still single

The following was actually used to end a conversation I had a couple of days ago:

"I can't read your mind. If you don't tell me what you're thinking, I won't know it. I work in telecommunications, not telepathic communications."

...and sometimes I wonder why I'm single...

Tuesday, October 25, 2011


So I'm watching a movie this weekend and one of my eye doctors pops up on the screen. Turns out the guy who did my cataract surgery about a year ago advertises in the movie theater nearest his office. Normally I'd think this was pretty slick marketing, but in this case I'm not so sure thats a great idea. I mean dude, all of your patients have eye problems. How likely are they to be watching a movie? Radio I could see (pun intended) but the only way your patients are going to be able to read your office number is if they're in size 6000 Times New Roman on a big movie screen.

Which i guess is maybe the point. Maybe that's the secret to the advertising. Can't see this movie? Tired of just listening to the horrible dialogue in the latest Kate Hudson romantic comedy and want to see how bad the lighting truly is? Would you rather see Salma Hayek's rack bouncing rather than just hear it bouncing? Visit this guy.

Maybe it's THAT genius.

Sunday, October 23, 2011


So I'm watching this thing on shark hunting and they have the obligatory "don't try this at home" disclaimer. how exactly would I? Granted, I live on an island surrounded by ocean, but I don't actually live in the ocean. I don't have a shark in my sink. So in what possible way would I be trying to tag a shark at home?

You know what I would try at home? Napping. I have a couch. I'm perfectly equipped.

Monday, October 17, 2011

age and legos

my body makes weird popping and creaking noises when I wake up. I'm either make of tinker toys or i'm getting old....of course the fact that I can make a reference like tinker toys indicates the latter rather than the former....and since when the fuck did legos get so complicated? they used to be little plastic bricks. Now NASA rovers are easier to assemble.

Saturday, October 15, 2011

Moral Question

say you meet a Jewish girl with low self esteem. Does that make her anti-semitic?

Monday, October 10, 2011

Columbus Day

In recognition of a rather lame holiday, I went to go look up other lame holidays, turns out I missed national coffee day by about a week and a half. I kind of feel like I should make up for it by sleeping with a barista to make up for it.

Not that I can't think of ways to celebrate Columbus day, but I kind of think the Native Americans have gotten fucked enough.

Saturday, October 08, 2011

Please advice

The words "advice" and "advise" are different. One's a noun, the other's a verb, so the next time you want to know the project's status, don't ask me to "please advice" or I'll have to advice you to get a fucking dictionary.