Incentives

 I don’t much care about the ballot tracking part. I want the thing where as soon as I’ve voted, I stop seeing your campaign ads, people stop calling and texting to remind me to vote and the USPS just throws your shit in the trash instead of wasting the energy to deliver it to my mailbox. 

This is the incentive I want to vote early. 

I don’t need the ballot tracking thing. You do. Job done. Now kindly fuck off and stop bothering me for a couple of weeks until we have to start this shitshow all over again for 2024.

Wrong Turn

 Hey, remember that time we went to go eat sushi but then we took a wrong turn and couldn't find the place, so we ended up eating Mexican, but then we just said we ate sushi and we made all the staff and all the people in the restaurant call it sushi even though it was chicken flautas? 

Yeah, happy Columbus Day.

Exceptions

 The GOP might need to add an exception to allow an abortion to save the political life of the father.

Donation

 The supermarket near my kid's apartment is doing a promotional thing where the purchase of some items will earn points for a local school you choose. Those collective points are then converted to a donation to that school for, what appears on quick glance, to be football equipment. Among the list of schools you can choose is the Hawaii School for The Deaf and Blind. 

Now while I think sacking a blind quarterback might earn you more than a few evil looks from the crowd and some angry parents yelling at the refs, I don't think it completely outside the realm of possibility that the school for the deaf and blind would have a football team. 

But what I REALLY want is for this supermarket chain to setup a team of blind javelin throwers.

Phone

 Okay, so what am I supposed to do if I drop my phone in a bag of rice?