Monday, June 16, 2008

How the blind save time and money

I'm pretty nearsighted but I am not completely blind. However, as I think about it, theere would be some benefits. Just think about how much I would save each month on electricity if I don't have to turn on any lights? I'd never have to buy another light bulb again!

And if the bulb in the fridge ever went out, I'd never have to worry about it. No more climbing up on ladders and nearly fucking killing myself to change that bulb in the garage. No more having to get up to turn off the lamp before you I go to sleep. If the fucking power goes out in the middle of reading a book, I'm still fine. And I could probably save a couple of days in time over the course of my life by not giving a shit if the clock on my VCR keeps blinking 12:00.

The only things that would really kind of worry me are being in a public bathroom and not being sure if someone was staring at my junk and not being able to know how freakin' hot Jessica Alba is.

Tuesday, June 10, 2008

Brain Tumors and Politics

Why is it when somebody has some horrible, fatal medical problem everyone says they're "battling it bravely" or some shit like that? Like Ted Kennedy. I mean, if I had a fucking brain tumor, I wouldn't be battling it bravely. I'd be fucking drunk 80% of the day and hung over the rest. It's not like you have to fucking worry about your liver kicking out when you have a brain tumor.

And you know there's some depressed bastard out there with some debilitating form of cancer not battling a damn thing bravely. He's like weeping in a fetal position

Why don't they ever say that? "he went out like a giant pussy." Or "John spent the last three months of his life miserable, hunched over in pain and so badly disfigured by medical treatments that his insurance offered to buy him a blowjob to cheer him up." I would need to get that kind of insurance.

But no, it's always the positive, "he's battling it bravely." And I mean I get it. I've heard the Randy Pausch lectures and whatnot, but it just seems like a farce. I mean when the Terry Schiavo thing was going on there were various shows where people talk about her hanging on for life in a coma but, no offense, you can't battle a fucking thing when you're in a coma. So in the end, I suppose it's just a vast right wing conspiracy. Man what I would give to get Bill Clinton back into office.


Ran out of aftershave and forgot to get some so I ended up using rubbing alcohol. First off, that stuff stings like a motherfucker. But more importantly it smells kinda like vodka so now I get to go into work clean shaven but smelling like a hangover. Awesome!

Thursday, June 05, 2008


More a question than anything else, if it's possible for a person to be ruthless, is it possible for a person to be ruthful? I mean I suppose if I had just broken up with my girlfriend named Ruth I could be Ruthless, and I suppose when The Babe got traded away, Boston was Ruth-less, but somehow I don't think that's what's intended by the word.