Radicalization

 I don't know about terrorists, but I know for sure that vegans get radicalized on the internets.

Toys

 I'm trying to think of my favorite toys as a kid. Probably something like Lego or the original NES. 

These days it's probably my P-Touch label maker or coffee machine. 

Blergh.

Education

 Oh for fuck’s sake, we just had a holiday about this, pick one. You can’t tell me Jesus was an immaculate conception and then tell me we should only teach abstinence in schools.

Reality TV

 Rudy’s been a joke for a while now, but I see the internets ripping into some singing show for having him on, instead of congratulating them for the genius of finally getting a Republican to wear a fucking mask.

Logic

 Somehow, without really any discussion, America just collectively decided that COVID is over now. But, I still need to take off of my shoes to get on an airplane. Because that makes sense. 

Easter

 Okay, so Jesus died. I'm with you so far. 

Then he comes back three days later. So here's my question, did the disciples get the funeral deposit back too?

Perspective

 I bet Jesus didn't think it was a Good Friday.

Advertising

 What is the power of advertising? 

I bought a bag of "healthy" shortbread cookies that were on sale. 

Shortbread cookies made without butter are fucking graham crackers. 

I bought an expensive bag of graham crackers.

Vintage

 There are things in my fridge which are not wine and yet might best be described as “vintage”