Thursday, February 21, 2013

Illegal Immigration and Walmart

I stopped by walmart on the way home to pick up a couple of things. Henceforth I have decided that I'm in favor of illegal immigration and I'm okay paying for the education of illegal immigrants because anybody smart enough to leave whatever country they came from has got to be smarter than ANYBODY working in a walmart

Monday, February 18, 2013


Give a man a fish and he eats for a day, teach a man to fish and he eats for a lifetime. But Jesus goes and gives a bunch of people fishes and loaves and that's a miracle? They still don't know how to fish, farm or bake bread, but it's +1 for the holy trinity? It would be a miracle if he could have taken fishes and bread and turned them into Philly Cheesesteaks. And even more of one if he taught the people how to make them

Heck it would really be miraculous if all those people suddenly realized that they were being used as scapegoats in a theological disagreement between the Abrahamic religions and their descendants were going to end up either being victims of suicide bombs, suicide bombers or in the  case of the Roman Catholics, worst of all, Italian.

Monday, February 11, 2013


I was going to make a BLT for dinner, but I like melted cheese on my BLTs and the only cheese I have is Gouda which means I would have to make an LGBT sandwich and I couldn't stop laughing long enough to make it.

Saturday, February 09, 2013

Digital piracy

If I pirated an eBook about origami folding would I get a crease and desist letter?

Tuesday, February 05, 2013


When I was a kid I remember being able to be happy about how old I was. You'd throw in an "and six months" after the year to make it that much more awesome. Now I'm at the point whee I'm happy to be in the right decade and fuck if I didn't actually have to do math while calculating my age to fill out a form....and sadly my birthday's not even for like another six months.

Friday, February 01, 2013


So I was thinking about my friend Ronnie “My fiancé (now wife) has this blocking software on her computer because she says the Internet has too much porn” (I’m going to only refer to you that way from now on) who recently got married. They’re also expecting a kid.

Now historically, families did a whole big celebration for a child's first birthday because child death rates were crazy high and many kids didn’t make it through their first year. Not so much the case today. In the US the infant mortality rate is like 7 per 1000 live births. By comparison something like 30% of first marriages don’t last 10 years. Which means if you’re married and just had a kid, it’s much more likely you’ll be divorced by the time your kid is a year old than it is that your kid won’t make a year.

The big celebration should be for the married couples that make it for a year. And like any proper party it should be sans children and open bar. Remember that in a year Ron. Remember that.