Saturday, October 28, 2006

Global Warming

So I've been in Omaha for the past week, I leave Sunday and I have to say. It's goddamn 30 degree's here. What the fuck is with that? Where the shit is global warming when you need it? Honestly now, people shouldn't be living in this kind of weather.


So a couple of different people have asked me where I am, I'm in Omaha right now where it's fricken cold. I leave tomorrow for nice warmer climates. But in the mean time I've been pondering a lot of cold stuff. Icebergs for example make me annoyed. They're too big to fit into my Collins glass, they melt before they get to the topics whre I'd want them anyway and between the sale and the seal shit, they'd make horrible sno cones. Strawberry seal shit, is not an appetizing flavor of shave ice. and Walrus Jizm wasn't on the menu at Matsumoto's the last time I checked.


We souldn’t be waging the war in Iraq. Why can’t the CIA decide that Tahiti’s developing weapons of mass destruction? When the hell is Fiji going to start messing with the US Air Force? Why can't Jamacia launch a missile? Why couldn’t Osama be in the Bahamas? But I know where’s he’s not. San Francisco. ‘Cause the only weapons in San Francisco are weapons of ASS destruction

Presidential Support for science

President Bush promotes scientific discovery. The fact that he has two daughters proves that you can successfully make babies with a douche. So even though he may not support in vitro fertilization where you can make babies with two lesbians an donor and a turkey baster, you can certainly supports science.


Lawyers, we get it. You went to school for a very long time. You know shit that nobody else finds useful, you like long sentences and hitherto you know a few Latin phrases. Well, fuckus you-us. Go find a better use for your time. Go run for political office or something. At least if you’re a public servant, I can tell you to go get me a ham sandwich. Fuck you, I’m the public, so ipso facto go get my fucking sandwich before I shove my pro bono right up your amicus curiae.

Gay Porn

Porn, particularly gay porn should be used by politicians and supported by all Republicans because one more guy spanking it to a bunch of weapons of ass destruction is one less Florida Congressman sending dirty messages to Congressional Page jailbait.

eVoting machines

I support all kinds of technology and I support voting. Except for stupid people. But damn, this is an election, not an arcade. I’m trying to put officials into office, not enter a tournament for Tekken. And I certainly don’t want up-up-down-down-left-right-left-right-B-A-B-A-select-start to decide a Presidency

And if you know what that cheat code is for, you spend too much time playing old school Nintendo games

The Weatherman

I would at some point like to see a weatherman just get so frustrated with his job that he just phones that shit in. Some guy stands up there in front of a green screen and goes, "look, you know what the weather was like yesterday. We don't expect a freak hurricane to appear on five minutes notice, So if you want to know what the weather is, go look outside a fucking windows."

That would be honesty.

Monday, October 16, 2006

Lemony shit

As part of the earthquake that happened today everyone was directed to conserve water, so I figure alright, I take like a 20 second shower, I'm drinking whatevers in the fridge (power was out too so I had a good excuse to finish off the milk, wine, ice cream, etc.) rather than using the tap. And I'm basically not flusing the toilet. Now I figure, OK, I've got air freshener, I can cover up the smell, but please understand that after 14 hours, lemony citrus shit still smells like shit.


My power was out from 7 AM until ll PM today because of an earthquake. Once the sun went down pretty much everything was dark. And my night vision is horrible. And I know that cats can see in the dark but there aren't any seeing-eye-cats for the blind. So this evening when I tried to see in the dark, I just saw a fuckload of dark.

Self Image and Perception

So something like 7 out of 10 girls have a negative self image, but then something like 60 percent of Americans are obese. So really, 6 of those girls are actually right.

Kid's Toys

There need to be more demonic kids toys. Like the Speak 'n Spell. That thing had the freakiest voice. It was like Satan was possessing your kids stuff. I'm sure it converted a bunch of toddlers to Baptist.

You don't get toys like that anymore. When was the last time a tickle-me Elmo turned demonic? Doesn't happen. Because there's no good kids toys anymore.

Wednesday, October 11, 2006

Cut and Run

So election fever is in full swing and the GOP is out in droves calling any Democrat "cut and run." And if the Democrats weren't such spineless feebs they say "Fuck yes I'm cut and run. I'm cutting out the bullshit and running these crazy motherfuckers out of Washington."

Tuesday, October 10, 2006


So I'll be spending a week in Omaha coming up at the end of the this month. Little bit of vacation, little bit of work. But I have to admit, it's a little daunting. See you've got to understand, I'm a mix of Chinese, Japanese Portugese adn Hawaiian. I'm basically warm wather, sea-faring people and I'm headed, at the end of autumn to a fucking land-locked, square, fly-over state that has high temperatues a little lower than the low temperatures where I normally live.

And honestly now, what does Omaha have? You've got steak, corn, Berkshire-Hathoway and 311 and only two of those would be amusing with beer.

Monday, October 09, 2006

Holy Fuck it's been a year

A year now, I've been collecting random thoughts here. Wow. In geological terms that's nothing. In blogger terms it's long. In my terms, it's 1/18 the age of a good single malt. If you dont't know what that means, you're either too young, too dumb to do fractions or too drunk to do basic math. Let's hope it's the latter.

God and War

So I'm watching the news this afternoon, watching people released from prison priasing fucking Allah and watching soldiers going off to Iraq pray to God and shit. And I honestly, don't see what in the shit God, Allah, Yahweh or Thor the fucking Thunder God has to do with any of that shit.

I mean really. If He was paying attention at all to your mumbling in fellatio position he wouldn't let the war go through in the first place right? So what the hell are you asking God for?

And let's say you pray to God and some douche with an RPG prays to Allah, doesn't that cancel out anyway, so you're still on your own. Unless your Mom's a Jew, your Dad's a Baptist, you're wife's Catholic and your crazy ass brother converted to Bahai. Then you can pray all over the place and cover your religious bases.

Thursday, October 05, 2006

After hours work

I work with technology all day. I spend my time breaking and fixing computers and phones and routers and switches. And frankly, when I come home, I don't what to fix your fucked up computer problem because you clicked on the link in an email that you shouldn't have. When I come home I want a glass of scotch and no more random network headaches.

But I have to imagine it's like that for other professions. Like if you were dating a massage therapist or a auto mechanic they wouldn't want to fix your shit or give you massage. They do that at work and get paid for it. They come home because they don't want to fucking do that anymore that day.

and yet I still want to date a stripper......