Wednesday, June 30, 2010

Fourth of July Weekend

I'm not impressed by the Fourth of July weekend. I don't really get the weekend off. I'll be writing training materials. I am however, impressed by the people who wrote the Declaration of Independence. The words are good and all, but ultimately I'm impressed because they wrote all that shit out longhand, with NO SPELLCHECK. How much less impressive would that document have been as a series of tweets or FB wall posts?

and I would love to see what else Jefferson would have put on his blog..."dude, just hooked up with this chick Sally Hemmings... I wonder if I need to change my FB status?"

Thursday, June 24, 2010

I'm sure your boss read Playboy for the articles.

next time you have to do a report for work, just slap a couple of graphs and pretty pie charts on there, add some random text and remember, bosses go through your crappy report like it's a Playboy magazine. They look at the pretty pictures, nobody reads it for the articles.

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

My creative side

I suddenly have the urge to remake animated films with different characters. Like Finding Nemo but instead of Dorie you put in Snoop Dogg..."just keep pimping, just keep pimping, just keep pimping"


"clean as a whistle"??? Have you seen a whistle? It's filled with the saliva of soccer coaches and basketball referees? If that's your definition, then fine, but don't bring that shit here.

God and kids

The thing I guess I really have against Christian conservatives is that it's confusing. for example, the basic premise of being against abortion. As a practical matter, there's already a lot of people. I mean look at just China and India, people there are fucking like meth fueled rabbits. So if we're going against practicality, then there should be a clear reason behind it. So to say that God is against abortion, but for capital punishment, just seems dumb. I mean that's just really really late term abortion, done, once you had a chance to see how that person would turn out. It's like taking a test drive in a VW Rabbit and opting for the Jetta instead.

Then you say that God is pro-life and likes kids. Well yeah, but "liking kids" is sort of a problem for pent up clergy now isn't it? And it's not that God likes kids. I work with a lady that has like half a dozen of her own. God only had one kid and he fucking killing that one, so what the hell does that say?

Wednesday, June 09, 2010

I wouldn't make it as a vampire

I don't think I could last long as a vampire. After 40 or 50 years, I'd be too tempted to start saying creepy old guy stuff to my victims.

Don't get wrong they'd all be hot victims in their 20's ('cause I'm not a pedophile like the Twilight guy) but I'd be too tempted to say stuff like "back in my day you could get a pint of blood for only a ncikel"

Or "you know, it burns me and looks kind of stupid when you wear that cross on your neck and such a slutty dress" 

Or "you know, back in the Great Depression, you could just go and bite any hobo on a train and nobody cared. We didn't worry about all those STDs Luke you kids today."

Or "I kind of miss the good ol' days like with Marilyn Monroe and Betty Grable. Now there was a tasty gal."