On John Williams

 I wonder if John Williams ever thought to himself ‘you know, I don’t have enough money or fame, I should get into this whole K-pop thing’?

Party Platform

Okay, wait, so the RNC platform is basically just "whatever Trump wants. Please just don't tell the kids that Halloween is going to be cancelled."? 

Culture and Society

 Consider, if you will, the arc of human history and the progress of civilizations. 

Take the BLT for example. Great sandwich when done correctly. But in order for it to be created, someone had to invent the sandwich. And in order for that to be created, someone had to think of slicing bread. 

On the other hand, consider also that in order to have the BLT, someone had to invent bacon. I mean, sliced bread is something of an obvious conclusion. If someone has a knife and a loaf of bread, you slice the thing. But bacon, someone had to truly innovate to invent bacon. 

So the next time some idiot app developer asks you to help troubleshoot code for free, in your spare time, because his app is “the greatest thing since sliced bread” tell him to piss off and come back when he's got the greatest thing since bacon. 

You’ll have weekends free until you’re dead.

Coincidence

 A while back, I noted a coincidence that only a short time after I wrote a post about Michael Jackson, he died. I'd now like to note that I recently wrote up a post about Sumner Redstone, who owned CBS/Viacom (among other things) and led a pretty crazy existence. Among other things, Redstone wasn't allowed to eat steak through a tube because he refused to stop having sex. .Seriously. You should Google him. It's bananas. 

He also just passed away.

I mention this not to make you think I'm psychic. I'm not. The guy was 97 years old, it's barely a coincidence. I don't have lotto numbers for you. 

But I would like to reiterate: Coldplay, Coldplay, Coldplay. 

That is all.

Change of Mascots

 The Polar Bear should be the mascot for the Republican Party. 

Hear me out. 

The polar bear is the epitome of rugged self-reliance and individual liberty. It lives out in the middle of nowhere. It doesn’t believe in nationalized healthcare. Sometimes it has to jump into freezing waters to catch something to eat. It could eat one of those Chinese panda bears in a single meal. Unlike those sad sack brown bears, the polar bear doesn’t hibernate. Those lazy socialists can suck it. Polar bears don’t worry about laws and are staunch supporters of the right to bear arms. Also bear legs and bear ears and bear noses. In fact polar bears touch noses to share food and much like a MAGA Republican, will do it without wearing a mask because it thinks masks are for pussies. A polar bear doesn’t care what God you pray to when it slashes open your belly, but it knows you’re definitely praying to some God. 

Like the GOP, the polar bear, could, go around killing a bunch of Canadians, but usually chooses not to. Polar bears spend more than half their lives hunting, but typically, they’re less than 2% successful in a hunt – just like the GOP’s hunt for fiscal discipline. Male polar bears can weigh as much as 10 men. Just like Rush Limbaugh. Polar bears are also too stupid to realize that they’re going to go extinct to protect the economic interests of a bunch of dickbiscuits who are fucking up the environment. Also, polar bears like to remind people that they’re technically black, but they’re covered in so much white they’re literally translucent.