Religious Rituals

If anybody wants to create a religion around me, one of our sacraments will be sleeping in on holy days. Another one will be NO FUCKING BELLS EARLY IN THE MORNING.

Full Circle

The Mueller report is published as a book that you can buy from Barnes and Noble for $10 or Amazon for $7. That ridiculous discrepancy aside, you can also download it for free and use the office printer so.....yeah.

But more to the point, I've been periodically watching talking heads on TV waving around hardcopy printouts of the Mueller report and I like the idea of a bunch of cable news shows going from stories about kids protesting climate change to pundits punditing while frantically waving chunks of a 400+ page PDF that they printed to hardcopy because.....fuck trees?

And on that related note, I was listening to a weather report cover higher levels of pollen in the air which, just as a reminder, is basically a tree treating you like Stormy Daniels taking a money shot in the face at the end of the porn video that President Trump saw her in.

Which, also as a reminder, eventually made the current President violate federal campaign finance laws, a crime for which there was/is rationale for him to commit obstruction of justice as outlined in the Mueller Report. BAM!!!! FULL CIRCLE!!!!! I should get my own show on CNN.

Balance

somebody explain to m the logic of complaining about what climate change will do for future generations and also complaining about the anti-vaccine movement. Seems to me, if we had more of one of those, we probably wouldn't need to worry as much about the other.

Identity Theft

How come the people who steal your identity never do anything cool with it? Nobody ever impersonates you to win the Nobel Peace Prize or develop a cure for cancer or take first prize in a Vegas golf tournament with strippers.

Barring some kind of miscommunication....

Not to say you can’t complain about the Attorney General, but there was a 50:50 chance this President was going to nominate Roseanne Barr for the job.