Saturday, May 30, 2020

A single, simple goal to unite humanity - kick Elon Musk off the planet

I was going to make a joke about how we're one small step closer to kicking Elon Musk off the planet today, but you know, I'm actually a little jealous of those guys who got the fuck out while the getting was good.

Thursday, May 28, 2020

Look Who's Executiving

It took me about 40 minutes to try to explain the series of Look Who's Talking movies to my kid - Okay, so it's the guy from Die Hard, but only his voice, and John Travolta and the lady from Cheers, Have you even seen an episode of Cheers? Fuck you, I'm not that old.  Okay, so it's the voice of the guy from Die Hard and all that, and then in the sequel they get Roseanne to do a voice too. Yeah, I know. Just....go with it. So it's all of that, and you know how I've complained that Taken proves Liam Neeson is a horrible parent? He's father of the fucking year compared to these two. I also suspect a fair amount of domestic violence.

It took me forty minutes to explain Look Who's Talking and yet, I've read the final text of Trump's social media EO now three times and I still don't understand what possible benefit they hope to accomplish, nor how they would hope to legally accomplish it. A baby with the voice of Bruce Willis makes more sense than whatever crackhead wrote this EO.

At least when someone wrote the scripts for the Look Who's Talking movies they could use the excuse that there was a lot of cocaine involed.

Tuesday, May 26, 2020

Deep Fakes

I had to replace my laptop recently, so I'm trying to decide if it's worth the effort to deep fake all Nicolas Cage movies with Tom Hanks in the roles or if that time would be better spent doing literally anything else.

Tuesday, May 19, 2020

Undergraduate Admissions

I have a good friend that works at a college known for it's technical prowess and deep connections to NASA who asked me for IT help. You know where you work right? Find a random student and go "hey, nerd! This is broken, fix it, or I'll kick you out and replace you with an Asian kid."
or like "My Face ID isn't facing. Make it face or I'll make sure your schedule next semester includes 18 credits and they'll all be Physics IV"
or "your final exam now includes making my laptop not be slow. You have 1 hour. Go!"
or "If this laptop doesn't boot up perfectly, in under 20 seconds, I'm going to call your parents and tell them you've changed majors to Art History."
I should be in charge of everything.

Monday, May 11, 2020

10 years of progress

in 2010, 33 Chilean miners were stuck in an underground cave-in for 69 days without completing losing their shit. In 2020, Americans spent two months at home - with electricity, running water and, Netflix and turned into a bunch of fucking toddlers. Yay, progress.

Rush

On the chance that you’re getting your Coronavirus ‘information’ from rush Limbaugh, please stop taking advice from someone who’s medical knowledge is limited to being an opioid addict before all the cool kids were doing it. “But he’s a recipient of the Presidential Medal of Freedom” you might say. The following are people who have also received a Presidential Medal of Freedom:

Pablo Casals, a Spanish cellist who, while talented, holds exactly the same medical credentials as Rush, that is to say, none.

John Franklin Enders, the “father of modern vaccines” who’s work laid the foundation for Salk’s polio vaccine and might remind you that 1) we still don’t have a vaccine for COVID-19, nor any reliable treatment regime as we have for HIV/AIDS and until such time as we do, forming large crowds to, for example, protest closures done in the interest of public health and pretty fucking stupid and 2) there’s just as much medical evidence to suggest that vaccines will make your kid retarded as there is to suggest that listening to Rush Limbaugh will.

Robert Kiphuth, a swimmer, who might point out to not-a-medial-doctor Phil that the US averages about 3,500 unintentional drownings per year, not 360,000. And at the point when I’m writing this there are about 28,000 deaths from Coronavirus so far, despite the measures that have been taken.

Annie Dodge Wauneka, who headed the Navajo Nation’s Health and Welfare Committee, who might point out that it’s really easy to suggest we all wash our hands, but that’s a little less realistic when you don’t have access to clean running water or plumbing. So when you decide you don’t need to wear a mask because you feel perfectly okay, even though it’s well understood that you can be an asymptomatic carrier, you should be fine letting random people shove their fingers in your mouth because, you know, they feel fine too.

Edward R Murrow, journalist and war correspondent who might remind Rush that Joseph McCarthy and is tactics were on the wrong side of history. Just because Fox has “News” in the name, doesn’t actually make it news. Though to be fair “bullshit” doesn’t fit as neatly on the chyron.

Hellen Taussig, pediatric cardiologist, who help develop concepts and procedures that would extend the lives of children and might remind Rush that offering medical advice on anecdotal evidence and not fact based research and controlled studies isn’t just irresponsible, it may also meet some of the legal requirements of negligent homicide.

 James Webb, the NASA Administrator who oversaw all of the first manned flights into space, who might remind Rush that when you don’t do proper testing people die. Also that science doesn’t isn’t just an opinion, it’s an educated opinion based on study and fact and reproduction of results, not the gut feelings and imagination of an addict.

Buzz Aldrin, who once punched a guy in the face for harassing him over the conspiracy theory that we didn’t land on the moon. More people should punch conspiracy theorists in the face when they keep peddling bullshit, but then Rush wouldn’t have a face.

Mary Lasker, who promoted the national health insurance proposal under President Harry Truman and might remind Rush that ~40% of American’s couldn’t handle a $400 emergency expense before COVID-19 hit and half of Americans put off or don’t get medical care because they cannot afford it. Fuck ton of good it’ll do to develop a treatment for COVID-19 if half the population has to defer to decline that treatment because of cost.

Whitney Young, the civil rights leader who fought to end employment discrimination, who might remind Rush that the US economy is 2/3 driven by consumer spending, so expensive as it may be, stimulus checks to people so they can pay for food and rent and medicine is both necessary and not a replacement for a living wage.

Jim Lovell, the astronaut and mechanical engineer who was portrayed by the actor Tom Hanks, who tested positive for Coronavirus and still didn’t go around telling everybody that it’s the flu because even if you should never, ever travel with Tom Hanks, he’s a pretty responsible guy.

By the way, I haven’t even gotten through the 60’s yet, so this is going to have to be continued.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_Presidential_Medal_of_Freedom_recipients

If you find it necessary to take medical advice or any kind of public health recommendations from a Rush, here’s some lyrics from Limelight that pretty much sum up the current White House

“cast in this unlikely role
Ill-equipped to act
With insufficient tact
One must put up barriers
To keep oneself intact”