Wednesday, April 25, 2007

God gets pissed

Do you think god gets pissed off when we cut down all the plants in the rainforest so we can print diet books even though if we just ate the plants we wouldn't be fat anyway? Or when people who favor the dealth penalty go to Chruch and read the "thou shalt not kill" commandment?


One of my goals in life is to beat Ken Jennings' record on Jeopardy, but more than that, I want to go on Jeopardy and each day I win, I want to use a different accent.

So say the first day is ebonics and it's all "Yo Alex you pimp, lemme take Riz-ainbow Coalition for 4 Benjamins"..."Who be the Reverend Jesse Jackson"

Then the next day can be Indian, Hindu Indian, not Sacagawhatever Indian. and I'd be like "Hello Mr. Alex, I'd like to be having World Civilizations for six hundred please"..."I am thinking that I should be asking, What is the Hindu Kush...Thank you come again."

Thursday, April 12, 2007

Not that what I do is brain surgery.....

[08:06] alice64: hey reid
[08:06] reid: howdy
[08:07] alice64: my computer is broken
[08:07] reid: ?
[08:07] alice64: it wont turn on
[08:10] reid: is it plugged in?
[08:10] alice64: yes
[08:10] alice64: it turns on and then this blue screen comes up

But if you tried to have a doctor diagnose your problem and this was the level of information he was provided to try and give that diagnosis, more over a solution, then we'd all be dead, because instead of the flu, I'd probably have an embolism.


There's lots of nicknames for the $100 bill. C-note, 10-spot, Benjamin. Nobody has a good nickname for the $5. There are no fucking bands singing about how it's "all about the Abe's." You can't walk up to a bouncer and say, "I don't think my name is on the list but I do believe you have my friend here, Mr. Lincoln." It's a tragedy really.

Sunday, April 08, 2007

Gays in the Military

There was some confusion recently over my stance about gays in the military. I look at it this way, if someone is willing to take a snipers bullet in the head for the US, then who the fuck am I to care, if he takes it up the ass for his entertainment?

Three Wishes

Forgot to crosspost this a while ago...

So I'm watching this episode of the x-files where three idiots get to make wishes because they found a genie. One ends up invisible then get's smacked by a car then gets brought back to life. One ends up with his mouth removed. Highly amusing, but it does give some consideration to the question,

If you had three wisehs what would you wish for?

I know two of mine, not sure about the third.

1. would be that after my third wish the genie would be given freedom. I think I've read Arabian Nights too many times or something. But it seems like such a shit job to get stuck granting wishes to people. I mean my job is bleh, but that would just suck

2. would be to have my eyes healed and the surgical implants in them removed. 20/20 vision would be nice.

3. I don't really know. Maybe the ability to teleport around from place to place. Save a shitload on airfare and get there faster. Maybe the ability to pee vodka? I don't know.

Tuesday, April 03, 2007

Three Truths of Man and Rockin' Hair

1. Nobody rocks the mullet like MacGyver.
2. Nobody rocks the 'stache like Tom Selleck.
3. Nobody rocks the beards like Richard Stallman...Except mabye Bruce Schneier.


Monkey Bars

I was wholly disappointed as a child because I never, ever saw any actual monkeys playing on the monkey bars. But as an adult I have to admit, most of the time you go to a bar, there's always one or two nimrods acting like monkeys.