Tuesday, July 12, 2011

Like Insulin for a Diabetic

I kind of have to think that women, as a group, just don't take birth control seriously. Not because I think all women want to have babies or any sexist shit like that, but as a comparison, if men could be responsible for birth control by taking a pill on a regular schedule, we wouldn't forget. There wouldn't be any question of did I forget to take it. We'd have that scheduled. As a collective society men would be like secret agents, synchronizing watches just to make sure we all took it. Like insulin for diabetics or anti-retrovirals for HIV/AIDS. Clocks would chime noon and instead of a bird popping out making chirping noises, it would be a little infant popping out crying and we'd all go 'alrighty, time to take our pill'. There would be no morning after because we'd make sure that shit happened before. Hell, we'd take two, just to be sure. Even then, we'd still wear a condom, just in case nature evolves some mutated, drug-resistant sperm.

So when I overhear some woman in the checkout line chatting on the phone about how hard it is to remember if she took the pill, it baffles my mind. First that you could forget something like that, but more, that you don't get a ticket for being a moron. Your friends should all come up to you and just slap you in the face, or maybe punch you in the stomac, so you don't forget.

I mean it's really like paying the power bill. You might not like to do it, but it's pretty damn clear in your mind that if you don't somebody is going to shut the lights off. Have some sense of consequence.

Wednesday, July 06, 2011


Do you think that when the Godfather gets asked for any favor he holds it over you? Like

"Hey, could you pass the salt."

"you ask this of me on this day....okay, but one day I will ask you to do something for me, and you will do it, no questions asked."