Thursday, June 22, 2006

Tax Breathing

There's already a tax on smoking, which is essentially just breathing through a skinny tube that's on fire. Why not just tax breathing?

No more free air, especially for all you health freaks out there, running every day, inhaling all the time, sucking up more than your fair share of the public oxygen. That's just not right.

Monday, June 19, 2006


I don't understand how it is that Superman can stand for "truth, justice and the American way." The guy leads a double life. He lies consistently to everyone around him when he's Clark Kent and the motherfucker has the audacity to claim FIRST among his three values "truth"? Something in this does not equate. That's like a porn star saying she stands for "chastity." And yes, I realize that her name could be Chastity, but she sure as fuck doesn't stand for it. But you expect better from Superman right. I mean, the guy's bulletproof, he's super fast but he lies like a goddamn politician. How the hell he says he stands for "truth" just totally befuddles me. I bet he's a Republican.

Wednesday, June 14, 2006

No. Fuck YOU!

You know what must suck about being deaf? Not being able to yell in sign language. Think about it. "No! FUCK YOU!" doesn't exactly have the save same effect in sign language.

Friday, June 09, 2006

It's the end of the world as we know it......and I feel...kinda sleepy

So we lived through June 6’th. 6-6-6. The day the world was supposed to end. I don’t get that at all. I even remember hearing from someone that the world was supposed to end at 6 PM on the 6’th. What the fuck does that mean? Is that Eastern Standard Time? Is there a whole 6 PM Eastern / 5 PM Mountain and Pacific? Does the end of the world follow the time zones? What about Arizona where they don’t have daylight savings? Does the apocalypse just skip Arizona for an hour? Technically it was the 6’th in Sydney while it was still the 5’th in Hawaii and when it was the 6’th in Hawaii it was already the 7’th in Sydney. What if I’m death going around slaughtering the world and I cross over the international date line? If I don’t plan that right, I can totally screw up the schedule for the end of the world.

Saturday, June 03, 2006


Misery doesn't love company. Misery hates company because company is a bunch of cheery people and cheery people only make misery more miserable. Misery loves alcohol.