Friday, May 27, 2011

How Does Superman Shave?

If he's all invincible and shit, how does Superman shave? Has Gilette started making the Mach 85000 razor with Adamantium blades on it? Does he use kryptonite laced shaving cream? Does he have Chuck Norris on speed dial to come over and pull it out?

I guess he'd have to use his laser eyes. In which case, you know, good backup job if the reporter thing doesn't work. "Superman laser hair removal: Let the Man of Steel stare at your bikini line."


I've spent the last couple of weeks watching a few episodes of season one of Glee each night. Partially just to see what the fuss was all about and partially because I've heard they do some good cover songs.

Surprisingly I do actually kind of like it. The writing is decent, some of the songs are good. I know some of my friends are really into it and I can kind of understand that now.

I really only have one issue. And it's nothing ridiculous like the fact that I'm subjected to show tunes, on a TV program that basically amounts to an after-school special written for prime time, set to a Barbara Streisand soundtrack. I can tolerate that because most of the characters are well written and well developed.

No, what gets me is that now I have Journey and Air Supply running through my head; offset only by those few minutes each day where goddamn Rick Springfield pops into my brain. If I have to listen to Jesse's Girl again, I may go insane. More insane I mean.

Monday, May 23, 2011

How The Legend of Zelda Changed Civilization.

1. Made having a name that started with the letter Z suck less
2. It's educational. I still don't know what the hell an Ocarina is, but in my brain it's like a dulcimer but less gay
3. The original NES version was shiny gold. SHINY GOLD!!!
4. Drug prevention. Imagine tripping on acid and having to listen to that music. You'd be trippin' balls
5. Triforce. Proof that even in a fictional world inside a video game, threesomes are awesome

Tuesday, May 10, 2011

Same Thing

Okay, somebody explain the difference to me, because as far as I can tell, a soft taco is the same thing as a burrito, just that some slacker did a half ass job folding the tortilla.

Saturday, May 07, 2011


Hm, I still confuse the singer from the Cranberries and one of the Corrs. My son knows none of the songs from either the Cranberries or the Corrs. i don't know which of those is more depressing.

Thursday, May 05, 2011

The Good Book

I just spent 20 minutes listening to some jacktard rail against the Koran because "unlike the Bible" it's a book that promotes violence and intolerance. I'm sorry, um, crusades, inquisitions, witch trials, this is a book free from association with violence? It's stupid to think that way. A few zealots misinterpret something and it causes bad things to happen. Just wait until some crazy bastard reads the Kama Sutra the wrong way and suddenly 72 virgins are coming at you in this life.

Tuesday, May 03, 2011


Don't get me wrong, I like porn, but to me it seems like it's just an expression of boredom in first world countries. The US has a huge porn market. Nicaragua, probably not so much. And even the limited porn they do have there, is evidence of human boredom. Pandas and sharks don't go around filming each other fucking. No, people do that and then we put it on the Discovery Channel so that other people can watch pandas fucking. How bored do you have to not only, not be fucking yourself, but to watch an entire other species copulate?