Sunday, December 23, 2012


Do elves get paid? 'cause if not that just seems like slave labor and I'm not sure I'm good with promoting slave labor to children just so an over-fed white guy can take all the credit.

Thursday, December 20, 2012

End of the world

End of the world 1: I bought a box of ice cream sandwiches on sale the other day and when I was moving stuff around in my freezer this morning I accidentally left them on top of the fridge. Didn’t notice until I got home this evening and they were all melted. Does that count?

End of the world 2: Wait, so it’s not Maya Rudolph’s singing that’s going to open a giant hell mouth and spew forth demons that will kill us all? Oh, sorry, I was confused

End of the world 3: On judgment day when we all stand before the pearly gates and face Saint Peter, do we appear in the same shape as we are now? I really should have exercised more. I want some Jesus abs…who am I kidding, I’m going to hell, if only for that Maya Rudolph comment

End of the world 4: I only paid the minimum on my credit card balance this month. Muahahahahahahahaha.

End of the world 5: Volcanoes are erupting nearby but its okay. I think the tsunamis and hurricanes will put out the fires and cool all the lava before it melts my laptop.

Wednesday, December 19, 2012

Fucking up the Curve

prosciutto and mozzarella sounds way better than ham and cheese...goddamn Italians, have to fuck up the curve for the rest of the foods

Thursday, December 06, 2012

Like the sign says....

There's no eating, drinking, smoking or littering on the bus according to the sign. But apparently peeing is just fine, based on the smell.

Time Off

I needed to spend some evacation hours before I lose them at the end of the year so I took the week off. This is so damn boring it's like one of the minutes on 60 Minutes.


Jellyfish don't taste like any kind of fruit I know of, which is sort of the defining characteristic of jelly isn't it? I call bullshit.

Natural Disasters

It seems unfair to me that hurricanes get names, but tornadoes and tsunamis don't. They can be just as destructive, and hell, there's a lot fewer tsunami's so you wouldn't even need that many names. What the hell PR agency did hurricanes hire to get that kind of publicity?

Wednesday, December 05, 2012

Original Sin

I dislike the concept of original sin. It just encourages people to get more creative with their sinning. You walk into confession and tell a priest your committed adultery, he probably hears that every day; but you go in and tell a priest you sodomized a camel, now that's an original sin.