End of the world

End of the world 1: I bought a box of ice cream sandwiches on sale the other day and when I was moving stuff around in my freezer this morning I accidentally left them on top of the fridge. Didn’t notice until I got home this evening and they were all melted. Does that count?

End of the world 2: Wait, so it’s not Maya Rudolph’s singing that’s going to open a giant hell mouth and spew forth demons that will kill us all? Oh, sorry, I was confused

End of the world 3: On judgment day when we all stand before the pearly gates and face Saint Peter, do we appear in the same shape as we are now? I really should have exercised more. I want some Jesus abs…who am I kidding, I’m going to hell, if only for that Maya Rudolph comment

End of the world 4: I only paid the minimum on my credit card balance this month. Muahahahahahahahaha.

End of the world 5: Volcanoes are erupting nearby but its okay. I think the tsunamis and hurricanes will put out the fires and cool all the lava before it melts my laptop.