Crutches

 I have no idea what I did to injure my foot, but trying to explain it as "I don't NEED them to get around, it's just easier" is the actual definition of a crutch.

Finance Education

 Right now, there's some university finance or economics professor trying to schedule @BoobzMaster6969 to do a Zoom talk on Wall Street trading for their class. 

Clearly, you've been wasting your life.

Inauguration Day

 I don't often find myself quoting George W Bush, but in the last few hours of Trump's presidency, I find that W sums it up pretty well - "That was some weird shit."

Nutrition

 Buying the fruit and then forgetting I bought the fruit and leaving it in the back of the fridge for the better part of two months has the same nutritional value as actually eating it, right?

Optimism

Well, if you look at it optimistically, at least Trump hasn't been kicked off OnlyFans yet.

When he gets desperate enough to start trading pardons for using someone else's Twitter account, I can think of a lot of illegal shit I'd like to do. 

Insurrection Fail

 As we continue to get more detail around the failed coup attempt yesterday, it's worth remembering that the little sign at the Capitol says "keep off the grass" it says fuck all about storming the building, trying to climb it like you're budget Spiderman or, ransacking offices. So the real question is, did they keep off the grass?

Jan. 6, 2021

 Hey, look on the positive side! You know what you're probably not going to hear about much today? COVID.

If you're a credit agency that got hacked, a film executive that got caught trying to rape some actress or, a manufacturer with a faulty part that needs to be recalled, today is the day for your press release.

Reality: A Play In One Act

 LAW: The role of Congress isn't to adjudicate anything. It's a pro forma, procedural step because some idiots in the 1800's didn't get their shit done in time and Congress had to negotiate a compromise.

HAWLEY: But what if it wasn't?

REALITY: Look, I know you don't like the results, but those are the results. They've been certified by the states in question. Courts have rejected your dumbass lawsuits. It's over. You're not changing anything. This is just a ceremonial step.

HAWLEY: But what if it wasn't?

LAW: Even suing Mike Pence didn't work. If you're expecting this ridiculous stunt to do anything more than make you look ridiculous you're deluding yourself. Seriously man, the facts aren't on your side, the law isn't on your side, pounding the table and shouting loudly isn't going to help you here. That's not the role of Congress. Elections were held, the votes were counted and certified. That’s how it works.

HAWLEY: But what if it wasn't?

LAW: There's been no credible evidence of voter fraud anywhere near the level needed to flip the election. Georgia's officials even did a point by point rebuttal of the ridiculous claims on that (potentially indictable) Jan 2 call. This is simply an election that was held where your side lost. It's sad for you, but that's how elections go sometimes.

HAWLEY: But what if it wasn't?

REALITY:  In an election where the Republicans picked up House seats, a guy who didn’t win the popular vote the first time was caught up in a bunch of fraud, but it only effected the one guy and the other Republican election wins were totally valid? The only fraud here was directed at the Presidential race? It seems more than a little implausible to think that if you’re going to try to “rig” an election, you wouldn't take the legislative branch as well.

HAWLEY: But what if it wasn’t?

LAW: You realize that if this was within 1500 miles of a viable strategy, Biden would have done it after the 2016 election when he was still VP, right? It's delusional to think that everybody else who lost an election missed this loophole in democracy.

HAWLEY: But what if it wasn't?

LAW: …..

REALITY: You were dropped on the head repeatedly as a child, weren't you?

HAWLEY: But what if I wasn't?

Excitement

 Don’t get too excited. 2021 is still going to suck.