Friday, April 26, 2013


I was eating dinner next to this couple from Des Moines, because I was too lazy to cook. Very nice people and I realize you're on vacation, but you're on vacation in Hawaii, try something a little different that you can't get a home. I'm not saying every meal has to be poi and poke, but try something new. And second, more importantly, since when did mayo and gravy replace fruits and vegetables in the food pyramid? Don't get me wrong, I'm not the healthiest of eaters but holy shit, I wanted to eat a salad for them. Still, very nice people. Paul and Molly who will never read this so I'm not at all worried about the fact that I maligned mayonnaise. I am worried though that Paul's blood would begin to congeal just walking out of the restaurant. I need to go eat some sympathy broccoli or something.

Thursday, April 25, 2013

Accidental Discoveries

You know how some of the greatest inventions come about by accident, like Penicillin or Teflon? Does that same thing happen with foods too? 'Cause the guy who invented prune juice couldn't possibly have been thinking about juicing a dried fruit, right? I just hope that's not the same with the milk that I just put in my cereal, because I'd hate to imagine what was going on when that was 'discovered' if it was an accident.


The thing with migraines, aside from the sensitivity to noise and light and the general sense of a goddamn fight club in my skull, is that I get weird shit stuck in my head. For example, if I break Jude Law, I think that's worse than breaking a state law, but probably a little better than federal law.

Wednesday, April 17, 2013

again, I reiterate, Panda Express is a bullshit name.

I stopped by Panda Express for dinner and for $9 a fucking plate that's got to be like half grease, I expect some salt & pepper panda or kung pao river dolphin or orange...well, not chicken, but some endangered bird. Really any nearly extinct species would do. If I can't get fried panda and get it really damn fast I call bullshit on your restaurant.

Work Accomplishments

It's not like I do much at work. My biggest accomplishment lately has been finding out through imperical testing that the yellow pages is better than the white pages when you run out of packing materials. Way to go years of my life studying calculus and physics.