Saturday, June 29, 2013


hello asshole who refuses to use syllables of English words in any combination and order that makes sense, while I might need to "chillax" I can't understand the message you're trying to get across because the sounds that are coming out of your mouth sound like they're the outcome of a chillaxative, so please just shut the hell up.


Over the weekend I felt like buying some cookies and found out that Walmart has these generic thin-mint cookies which are great because 1) they taste pretty good and they're cheap but 2) more importantly, I don't have to wander around asking little girls for their cookies, potentially risking arrest for being a pedophile. Bonus, thin mints actually go really well with fresh Kona Coffee, not as good as shortbread but much better than risking having to register as a sex offender.

Wednesday, June 19, 2013


I'm really not sure I agree with this notion that the French deserve to have a salad dressing named after them.

Inappropriate question of the day

If a midget is performing oral sex, shouldn't that really be called, going up on you?

Unfair advantage

Duct tape got sort of an unfair advantage with MacGyver. Don't get me wrong, I love the stuff, but WD-40 is pretty damn useful too it just didn't a whole show and a mullet in it's marketing budget.

Wednesday, June 12, 2013


So I'm in the store picking up some razors, deodorant and a new toothbrush and walking down the aisles I notice that anti-diarrheal medication is on sale. Which I never noticed before. I mean I assume it must go on sale at some point, like pretty much everything else, you just don't think about it as a sale item. Not really something you plan on buying just to stock up. Not like, hey that's a good price on paper towels, couldn't hurt to have a couple extra rolls and oh look, that's a great price for anti-diarrheal pills.

Personally anything less than $8000 is probably a good price for anti-diarrheal medication. Not that it's that expensive to make, but I gauran-damn-tee you that in a critical situation $8000 would be a completely reasonable price, certainly worth more than that Advil. It's not like they would have to sell that many.

Of course if the same guys who owned the store also owned a couple of chain restaurants, maybe it would be a good price fixing scheme. Clams are on special and so are the meds afterwards.

Wednesday, June 05, 2013


I sit in front of a computer most of the day and deal with technical problems so part of me believes it might be nice to revert to an agrarian society, where I take care of some plants, catch a few fish and call it a day, but then I think about it and, sigh, no Internet porn.