Monday, July 15, 2013


There was this US Army commercial in the early 80’s (you know what, fuck you, people were born before Clinton was President, if you weren’t, you’re part of the generation largely contributing to the death of the English language by Tweets and the general lack of any will power whatsoever, just shut the……I’m getting off track). There was this Army commercial in the 1980’s (not 1880’s, fuck you Rob) that had the tag line “we do more before breakfast than most people do all day.” Which I think is a nice sentiment except it forgets that insomniacs like myself might actually be awake at 3:30 in the morning, and not just to be furiously masturbating to Internet porn, but to do actual stuff like writing or revising pivot table analysis done in Excel. Also I don’t eat breakfast.

I do however drink lots of coffee, so while you may do more than me in the morning young second lieutenant, I drink far more coffee and of far better quality.

Tuesday, July 09, 2013

Something new every day

Not sure why but I got up early this morning, like 4 AM. After the shower failed to materialize a sense of actual awakeness, I was standing in front of the bathroom mirror trying to brush my teeth when the toothpaste fell off and I learned that there are parts of my anatomy that, while clean is good, do not require either minty freshness or cavity protection.

Monday, July 01, 2013

Inappropriate question of the day

Inappropriate question of the day: If a stripper was dancing to jazz music, would that look sensual and seductive or like of like an epileptic jogging in place?