Nights and weekends free

My cell phone contract ran out recently and I was thinking about the idea that my cell phone has free nights and wekends which is pretty good I suppose, except that there's really no other service or product where you get free nights and weekends. Like if you rent a car, it's not like Budget or Enterprise is going to give you free nights and weekends, or if you buy a guy, Glock doesn't tell you that bullets for your 9mm are free between the hours of 9PM Friday to 8AM Monday morning. We need to see more services with free nights and weekends. I'd like to suggest strip clubs start this policy.

Nobody is going to get this....

I have varied music tastes and spend my days with way too many computers, so if you listen to old school rap / hip hop and play with SQL queries all day maybe you'll understand but I find this completely amusing:

ODB + DBA = ODBA. Chris, dude, that's totally you.

Phonetics

I was asked today how to pronounce my last name and in sort of a huff I commented that "it's spelled phonetically." The response I got was great:
"Wait, that doesn't make sense, weren't the phonics the people that attacked the Romans?"
I like people they're funny when they don't mean to be. The next time a Centurian gets knocked on his ass from a vowel, I want to be there.

Aquaman

If Aquaman get's a blowjob is that considered eating seafood?

Britney = Barbie

I just realized how much Britney Spears is like Barbie. And it's not just the superficial stuff like being blonde. It's a deeper, more fundanmental similarity. For example, they both have different versions. You can get "Malibu Barbie" or "Dream Vacation Barbie" or whatever. Likewise, you can get "slutty schoolgirl Britney", "post-partem Britney", "talentless hack Britney" or my favority "rehab Britney"

Oh and since I haven't seen Ken around lately I can only assume that Barbie ditched is po-po-zao ass just like Britney dumped Justin Timberlake (that's nis name right? honesly I just remember seeing the 'po po zao' think on YouTube and thought it was fucking awesome)

Cack Ho' Diet

I bet that if Pfizer could put a patent on the coca plant we would see the Crack Ho' Diet pill on TV being sold by (insert chubby insane celebrity of choice here, Rosie O'WhoGivesAFuck, post-rehab Britney, Fat Oprah, etc.)

Visors

Why the hell do people wear visors? It's half a hat. Are you so fucking cheap that you can't afford to buy a whole hat? Go steal one of those yarmulke's from a Jew and sew the fucking thing on and there you go. HAT. A visor is just doing things half assed.