Friday, August 31, 2007

Music Lyrics

I like music, all sorts of music. I like pop, country, techno, even older music. I have friends who have no idea who Cat Stevens is, but I can recognize the lyrics to 'Morning Has Broken' when I hear them spoken as a poem. And the lyrics are important. They tell a story. They're as important as the melody, except for instrumental pieces I suppose.

But some lyrics I just don't understand. Like "You make me feel like a natural woman." What the fuck is that supposed to mean? Does it mean "you make me forget that my tits are made of silicone"? Because I gaurantee you, I certainly didn't forget. Hell that's probably why we're together. Does it mean "you make me feel like I don't color my hair"? Because I gaurantee, I noticed that the carpet didn't match the drapes and quite frankly, unless the carpet is graying or gone, I didn't give a shit. Some lyrics don't make any sense. I mean really "you make me feel like a natural woman" come one, what did you expect to feel like? Rosie the Robot? I'm not George Jetson but if you looked like Judy, I wouldn't give a shit if you were a robot.

Tuesday, August 28, 2007

Stealin' Our Jobs

So now that the Attorney General Alberto Gonzales has resigned, does that mean that all the old rich while laywers have to stop complaining that the goddamn illegal Latin American immigrants are stealing their jobs?

Thursday, August 23, 2007

When you're having a bad day......

Just remember, you could always end up being a judge at a David Hasslehoff impersonator contest... or worse yet, you could end up having to listen to the real David Hasslehoff sing during the talent portion of the content.

Sunday, August 19, 2007

New plan

So I fell asleep late last night with the TV on and I woke up to the news playing a story about all those toys made in China that they had to recall because of the possible use of lead paint. So I have a new plan. I'm going to make shirts for pregnant women that has an arrow pointing to their belly and says "made in America."

But see, this totally works for other things too. Make like XXXL shirts for fat people, t-shirts for kids, hell boxer shorts. All you need is an arrow and the words "Made in the USA." Total gold I'm telling you. I'll be a billionaire. This is better than the time I thought about buying out skype, branding it for Hawaii and callign it Hype.


If rules are meant to be broken, how come when I break the rules I always manage to end up broke?

Tuesday, August 07, 2007

Fruit+Cake = Evil

I like fruit, I like cake, I can't stand fruitcake. There are just certain things that work great alone but suck hard when you combine them. Unicorns for example. Horses aren't particularly girly. Horns are girly, but put them to gether, and you get something way to chick. By the same token, dried fruit is good stuff, cake is awesome, put them together and you get the nastiest pile of shit that nobody could ever want to eat. The fact that it's only served at Christmas means that it's served once a year too often. I imagine that they feed fruitcake to prisoners at Guantanamo when they run out of bread and water, or that there's some form of torture akin to water-boarding called fruitcaking. On second thought that sounds like something you do in prison when you're somebodys bitch and you've already tossed a few too many salads. "That's right bitch, show me that fruitcake."