Fruit+Cake = Evil

I like fruit, I like cake, I can't stand fruitcake. There are just certain things that work great alone but suck hard when you combine them. Unicorns for example. Horses aren't particularly girly. Horns are girly, but put them to gether, and you get something way to chick. By the same token, dried fruit is good stuff, cake is awesome, put them together and you get the nastiest pile of shit that nobody could ever want to eat. The fact that it's only served at Christmas means that it's served once a year too often. I imagine that they feed fruitcake to prisoners at Guantanamo when they run out of bread and water, or that there's some form of torture akin to water-boarding called fruitcaking. On second thought that sounds like something you do in prison when you're somebodys bitch and you've already tossed a few too many salads. "That's right bitch, show me that fruitcake."