thought of the day 2009 09 08 - improper responses

Every guy ever in a relationship longer than two weeks has gotten the "does this make me look fat?" question. It's inevitable. You show up after some bullshit late afternoon conference call at work and you just want to get some fucking dinner. Instead you have to deal with the question that has no good answer. I have instead come up with a number of apparently inappropriate answers, which in all fairness, at the time I thought were kinda funny.

1. Well wear more comfortable pants then. I don't have to fucking shimmy into my khaki's. My jeans do not require a shoehorn.

2. Have you ever just considered that maybe it's your ass and not your jeans?

3. You know who doesn't ask these questions? female suicide bombers. And I bet that vest full of Semtex probably does make her ass look fat.