Candy

I want a Halloween candy that's made with peanuts, gluten and pollen and has no allergen warnings.

Personal Views

I don't dislike Ed Sheeran as much as I probably should.

Infinite loop

I need help. I'm stuck in an infinite loop. I bought a bag of tortilla chips a while back because they were on sale. And then part of the way through that bag, I thought "hey, this would be better with salsa." So I bought salsa. Then I finished the chips but still had some salsa. So I bought more chips, but then I ran out of salsa and still had chips, so I bought more salsa. So I bought more chips, and more salsa, and more chips and more salsa. And so on it goes. I'm pretty sure this is the sixth level of hell. Trump is still President right? Yep. Sixth level of hell. The infinite salsa loop.

CNN

The annoying thing about Halloween is that all the stuff on TV is horror movies. I don't need a fucking horror movie, Trump is President and I have CNN.

Yeperman

Some fanfare was made last week after Kanye's visit to the White House. Upon reflection, I still don't give half a shit about Kanye.

But please tell me that when he said that a hat made him feel like Superman, that somebody reminded him that technically, Superman was an undocumented alien, here illegally, who didn't ask for refugee status in accordance with international law and stole a lawful American reporter's job. A job in print media that the President can't read and doesn't like. One which pays a decent wage and probably has healthcare benefits which Superman wouldn't need. Unless he came across Kryptonite, which would be considered a pre-existing condition and wouldn't be covered by any of the GOP plans to repeal the ACA.

If his ship arrived today, Trump Administration policies would have separated him from the Kents, made him sign away legal rights despite not being of legal age and probably would have tried to have him deported.

In any event, Superman operates without any legal warrants, doesn't appear to show up to testify in any criminal or civil trials and has caused significant damage to public infrastructure without any taking of personal responsibility or facing any real consequence. I guess technically Clark Kent pays taxes, which is more than we can say for Jared Kushner. Aside from having taxes withheld, he's actually kind of the perfect example for this White House - do what I say or I'll punch you; you need to follow the law, but I'll do what the fuck I want; blow a bunch of shit up and take zero personal responsibility for it. That's pretty Trump.

Somebody pointed all of this out to Kanye, right?

Dreams

Just woke up from a weird dream about finding some random person's wallet, so if you've just lost your wallet in a dream, I may imaginary have it.

Vocabulary

We need new words. The coverage of the storm aftermath in Florida over the past couple days I've heard at least four people describe the damage as "unimaginable." One of those was Gov. Rick Scott.

IT'S A FUCKING HURRICANE. You can't imagine the damage of 14 ft. storm surge and 150+ mph wind?

Plus, it's Florida. In the past couple of weeks a woman tried to bring an 'emotional support squirrel' onto a flight in Orlando, a guy stole $1M in cable service from Time Warner (which, I had Time Warner, their service was shit, so I CAN'T IMAGINE what $1M of shit service looks like), another guy used a pinterest template to print counterfeit money on a library computer and then posted an ad to sell it on Facebook, and a gas station microwave required a sign reminding customers not to use the appliance to warm urine. But damage from a storm is "unimaginable"?!?!?!

We need new words. Or maybe just people with better imaginations than Rick Scott.

Medicare

You're looking at it wrong. Old people rely on Medicare to not die. Old people overwhelmingly vote Republican. Getting rid of Medicare will kill off old people faster. Leaving fewer Republican voters. I'd call that a win.

The Job You Want

As I was interviewing for a job, the adage "dress for the job you want" didn't come up that much. But that's mainly because Jedi robes are super hot in tropical weather.

Columbus Day

I once got lost on my way to a Dunkin' Donuts and wound up in a Starbucks. Can I get my own holiday too?

Recommendations

So I'm on Amazon, looking for, I don't know, batteries or something, whatever I can use to get over the minimum for free shipping (Jeff Bezos has enough money, he doesn't need my Prime membership). And for whatever reason, one of the recommendations it has for me is penis shaped candy that I imagine is ostensibly for a bachelorette party. I'm fine with these being sold on Amazon, though I wonder what I've browsed to earn this in my recommendations, but I'm more curious as to why we choose shape over flavor for something edible. Have you seen beef jerky? It looks horrible; tastes delicious. I like Altoids. I've got a bunch of those little tins sitting around. Some of them are empty, some have paper clips, some have bandaids, or a sewing kit. One, I think, has my cufflinks in it because I kept losing them in the drawer, but now I've lost the tin somewhere in my drawer. But I've never considered the shape of the actual candy. They taste like mint and they're really strong. I don't much care if they're square or round or shaped like an eggplant. They could be yellow moons, oranges stars, pink hearts and green clovers; if they still tasted the same I wouldn't care. In the choices for creating novelty candy for drunk women, why is there penis shaped candy, but no penis flavored candy? Something in a small tin, with whatever shape, but cock flavored. And on a related note, how come the candy that Amazon is recommending me is so expensive?

Ooh mousepad. Perfect. I needed a new one of those anyway.

fantasy football

Hey, semi-serious question: do white nationalists play fantasy football? And if they do, who do they draft? First pick get's Tom Brady and then.......what?

procreation

So I'm flipping channels this evening and come across the start of an episode of NCIS that opens with a couple of kids, that look like they're all of 14, breaking into a house to use the hot tub when they find a dead body. Now a quick check on IMDB says this show is on its 16'th season. So it is entirely likely that these kids weren't born when this show first aired, and entirely possible that they were conceived in a hot tub while their parents were watching the first season. I'm not sure if I'm in awe or just amused, but I'd like to point out that Game of Thrones has a lot of fucking in it and I don't think even they could make the claim of potentially being responsible for the conception of one of their actors.

ADHD

Wait, so you're telling me that my attention deficit is in HD? Sweeeeeeeeeet.