Life Lessons

 Whatever candy your kids get for Halloween, take all the good stuff like the Kit-Kat and peanut butter cups and use it as an early life lesson to teach your kids about taxes.

Catch of The Day

 Steaks are often better when they're aged, bacon needs to be cured. So I get why those might not have been today, but why is the catch of the day always fish? Surely there's some other meal you could have caught on the day. 

I live nowhere near a salmon. Even with the advent of modern air cargo, there's no way that fish was caught, cleaned, packed, shipped, sold, unloaded and prepared the day I ordered it. Certainly not at what you're charging for it. I suppose it might have been the catch of the other day.

Chicken. You could catch a chicken today and cook it. 

You could even catch other seafood. Clams aren't that quick.

I'm not vegetarian, but I have to imagine a tofu tree can't run very fast. Those should be pretty easy to catch any damn day you like. 

What about a Pokemon? Fry me up whatever Pokemon you caught today. 

That the catch of the day is always some kind of fish shows either lack of imagination and ingenuity or lack of effort. Either way, it's bullshit. 

I'll have the salmon.

Slogans

 I mean, if you want to change the slogan, fine, but considering how many times Biden won the 2020 election already, it’s really more like Make America Great Again Again Again Again Again Again Again Again Again Again Again Again Again Again Again Again Again Again Again Again Again Again Again Again Again Again Again Again Again Again Again Again Again Again Again Again Again Again Again Again Again Again Again Again Again Again Again Again Again Again Again Again Again Again Again Again Again Again Again Again Again Again Again Again Again Again Again Again Again Again Again Again Again Again Again Again Again Again Again Again Again Again Again Again Again Again Again Again Again Again Again Again Again Again Again Again Again Again Again Again Again Again Again Again Again Again Again Again Again Again Again Again Again Again Again Again Again Again Again Again Again Again Again Again Again Again Again Again Again Again Again Again Again Again Again Again Again Again Again Again Again Again Again Again Again Again Again Again Again Again Again Again Again Again Again Again Again Again Again Again Again Again Again Again Again Again Again Again Again Again Again Again Again Again Again Again

Pointless

If I can't get candy corn on the cob, what's the fucking point?

Anonymous

 real alcoholics aren't anonymous, we just don't remember you

Vintage

 When I got my clothes they were new. Now they're all vintage. 

Blergh.