Needs Medical Study

 serious question: do the strippers still have to wear a mask?

Healthcare Decisions

 Fuck it. Let’s just bring back Polio already.

Approval

 Look dummy, it's got full FDA approval now. If you've ever eaten at a Taco Bell, you've already waived your rights to question what's in it, just go get the goddamn shot already.

Haircuts

 I should get a haircut in the shape of an MS Teams meeting window just so people can recognize me when we see each other in person again.

Sunsets

 Sunsets happen with a rather tedious regularity. 

More on Aging

 There are only three things that get better with age - scotch, antiques and Keanu Reeves

So when talking heads on TV are lamenting how Afghanistan is falling back to what it was before we routed the Taliban, please also remember how Rudy Giuliani was perceived immediately after 9/11 and compare that to Rudy now. Up to $400 on Cameo.

Oh, and before you give me any shit about it, Betty White peaked a long time ago and she's be riding that plateau of awesome for literal decades.

Aging

 Madonna is 63. Which pretty much just makes her Grandma Donna now.

Accents

 When I use my Bluetooth headset, the synthesized voice that says stuff like "power on", "pairing" and "connected" has this slightly British accent and it's not as sexy as I remember.

"Please say a command"...

“Pairing”…

“Pairing”…

“Pairing”

Ah

“Power off”

Superpowers

 If you haven't gotten vaccinated yet, you should. But if you do, just know that despite all the hype, I got my vaccine months ago and I still can't control the Jewish space lasers with my mind.

Medical Diagnosis

 Has anybody else ever woken up sharply from a nap with bad chest pain, fully expecting to be in the throes of a cardiac event, only to find out within a few seconds that they slept on something that was poking into their rib cage, and now they can't fall back asleep?

No? Just me?

Fine.

I hope you all step on a Lego.