Monday, October 10, 2016

How to lose an election

What could Hillary Clinton do to lose my vote at this point:
1. In the middle of the third debate, do a striptease to some Megadeath music only she can hear.
 2. Convince Obama to change the nuclear launch codes to “password”.
3. Stop breathing….no starch that one. Wouldn’t make a difference.
4. The rest of the campaign, all her ad buys are just her attempting to juggle kittens and machetes in front of a Clinton 2016 banner.
5. Putin blowjob.
6. Revise the party platform because “that Senator Palpatine had some pretty good ideas”.
7. Attempt to colonize Mars with a kayak and two cases of spam.
8. Admit she got chlamydia from a koala bear in 1987 which still hasn’t been treated.
9. Replace VP running mate with Sarah Palin. I would have reservations about this one though. I mean if she did replace Tim Kaine with Sarah Plain, I would have to vote for someone else, but I would think about it for a really long time, and I’d feel bad about doing it.
10. Announce that her nomination for the next two Supreme Court vacancies would be Dick Cheney and the ghost Mike Pence.
 11. Tell us the aliens are real, but hide the fact that they all speak French.
12. Convert to Scientology and jump up and down on a couch claiming to be in love with Tom Cruise.


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