With my most sincere apologies to Coldplay

I need to apologize to Coldplay. You are not, as I’ve argued previously, the worst thing on Earth. That doesn’t mean I like you, but after watching a video of the performance at the Glastonbury festival on the Internets, I begrudgingly admit that, based on the size of the crowd, you’re likely responsible for a non-negligible portion of the UK economy. A portion that, post-Brexit vote, has probably grown. So I’m not sure what exactly is the worst thing in the world now – the real possibility of President Trump, Zardoz, the transformation of the NRA from a group of reasonable hunters to a lunatic fringe, my BlackBerry work phone,  could be anything. However, I do sincerely apologize for and rescind my previous claims.