Thursday, August 28, 2008

It's 2 AM...what are you watching on TV?

Me? I'm watching a commercial for the Vagisil Screening Kit. It's a home diagnosis kit for things that are itching you vagina.

Yep, that's right, there's now a home kit so that you pee on a stick or swab something know what I don't even fucking know what you would have to do, but it's now possible to sit in the discomfort of your own home and figure out if that itching is crabs or syphilis.

First of I have to say syphilis is actually a pretty decent sounding name for such a fucked up STD. If I was Greek I could see naming my first-born daughter syphilis. Which, considering that it gives you rashes and chancre sores, is pretty fucked up right there.

But more than that, I have some serious questions about this product overall. I mean first off, if the only commercials you run are at 2 AM, your marketing team should be fucking shot. Buy some decent ad time, but more than that, what the hell is the market for something like this?

I mean, I'm not a big fan of doctors and I'll avoid the doctors office whenever possible but I like to think that if my junk is red and swollen I'm going to go see my general practitioner. I'm not going to be relying on some pee-on-a-stick home test just so I can hear "guess what honey, Vagisil says that it's only crabs! Boy was that close. I guess we can relax now"

And to top it all off, I really don't need to be seeing this on TV. I mean don't get me wrong. I'm all for information and making sure people understand their own medical health but google something and go see a fucking doctor. I have no desire whatsoever to know details about how you might be able to detect a yeast infection vs. a urinary tract infection. Quite frankly, some things I just don't want to know.

And lets be clear here, it's not sexist. I don't want to be seeing the Viagra ads either. I don't want to see senior citizens pracing across the TV screen or Bob Dole talking about how he can go all night. These are not images I need in my fucking head. The mental image of a wrinkled hard dick are about as appealing as the mental image of an infected pussy. These are not thoughts I need when I'm trying to go to sleep.

so please, Vagisil, Monistat and basically any douche product (because you all tend to remind me of some of the people I work with), knock it the fuck off. Keep your ads on daytime TV during Oprah where they belong. If you must play some feminine hygiene ads at 2 AM, make it the tampon ads or the ads for the pads with the "wings" at least those people seem young, happy and lively.


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