thought of the day 2009 09 28 - rules of court procedure

Let's say you go into the hospital to get your appendix removed. Now let's say someone makes a mistake and the OR surgeons confuse you with the guy scheduled right after you. Now let's say the guy in the OR after you has flesh eating bacteria and needs to get both arms amputated.

When it comes to the malpractice trial, how does the court swear you in on the witness stand? Do they have you put your nose on the bible? Do you still have to raise your right hand even if it's already amputated? Like hold it in your teeth or something? What if the court reporter is kind of hot and you just get a hard on instead? Can you raise a smaller third leg instead? And if that's the case, then more strippers should become court reporters or it's entirely possible the justice system will fail our society.