Monday, January 30, 2017


Waiting at a crosswalk yesterday I actually heard someone yell out “nice tits” from their car as they drove past. Seriously, who does that? I wasn’t even wearing a tight shirt.

Actually I assume he was yelling at the woman across from me, but still, who does that? I have to admit that left me a little disturbed and a lot confused. Part of it is just the rudeness of it. And yeah, it’s annoying, but that’s not what was really bothering me for a day now. I finally figured out what it was though. It’s the stupidity of it. One of two things is true here and in either case it doesn’t make sense.

Let’s assume, for the sake of argument that her breasts were fake, implants. If that’s the case, you’re complimenting her for someone else’s work. Even if it was her decision to get the implants, she didn’t do the surgery herself. You don’t go to the guy who was driving the boat and say “nice fish”. It would be like complimenting the printer for a well written book. You need to stop and find out who her plastic surgeon is so you can drive past him or her and yell “nice tits”. It’s only fair.
Now on the flip side, say they were completely natural, then it’s largely a matter of genetics. You need to find out who her parents are and yell “nice tits” at them. Sure there’s diet and exercise, but genetics still plays a large part in that. I’ll concede that there’s something similar in passing by a classic car and saying “nice car” when the douche driving it clearly doesn’t know how to change their own oil, let alone maintain a transmission from the 1950’s. But in that case you’re really just saying “congratulations for not having an accident and totally wrecking that thing.” And if that’s what he had yelled, I could maybe understand, but the same logic doesn’t extend to “nice tits.” The only way that would be appropriate to yell is if she was with both of her parents so the compliments could be shared equitably.

Or maybe you should just shut the fuck up because she had earbuds in and probably didn't hear you anyway and, honestly, who says that?


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