Lawns

This might seem a bit cynical but I get the sense that kids generally act like little assholes. So when I get older I’m not going to tell them to “get off my lawn.” They wouldn’t listen anyway; in fact they’d probably dance around on my lawn just to be little assholes. Instead I’m going to yell at kids to get ON my lawn. Walking by, they would hear me yell “get on my lawn” and they’d start heading towards my lawn but they’d do a double take, like “wait, what did he say?” And they’d stand there for a couple seconds contemplating things, then they’d walk away muttering something about the crazy old guy.

Whether that will just confuse them or cause them to question my intentions doesn’t really matter. It’ll end up the same way, with them leaving me the fuck alone.

Except for that one kid that had some weird intuitive sense of “hey, he’s like reverse psychologying us”. That kid I could befriend and teach all sorts of life lessons and whatnot. I’d be like that guy in Up.

And then, with my house floating up into the sky, I’d push the kid out the door and yell “get on my lawn!!!!!!!”