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 Getting old(er) is starting to suck. I get up in the morning and my back is stiff, my neck is stiff, my knees are stiff, my arms and legs too. Pretty much the only thing that doesn't get stiff is my _____.

Feet. My feet don't get stiff. Mostly I walk a lot of places. My feet are in pretty decent shape. You thought I was going to say penis, right? The only thing that doesn't get stiff anymore is my penis. Come on, an erectile dysfunction joke was pretty hackney like, 15 years ago, when Bob Dole was peddling Viagra. To do that, now?!? I'm better than that. I mean, I may have to get up in the middle of the night to pee, but I'm still better than some hack dick joke.