Baby Arugula
Last week I bought a giant thing of salad because it was $5 at Safeway and its more salad that I’ll eat in a week. Incidentally, it’s organic salad in a giant plastic bin, which seems kind of counterproductive because a giant plastic bin is not only non-organic, I’m not even sure it’s recyclable. So while you’re busy eating organic greens you toss more non-biodegradable plastic onto the planet and take up space that can no longer be used to grow organic greens. On the plus side, some of that plastic will end up in the ocean and kill a turtle or something. Why are you going to try and sell me on some hippie organic shit and then put it in a giant plastic tub? These people make no sense.
I’m getting off track here.
Okay, so I bought a salad, only they didn’t have the one I normally get, that's like an actual salad mix, so I just grabbed one without really looking at it and it turns out I bought a giant plastic tub of only organic baby arugula. Which I’m pretty sure is actually one of the alien species from Star Wars and not actually a vegetable. It’s not that I dislike arugula per se, but it’s not something I’d like to eat 15 handfuls of. I mean even cocaine dealers cut their product a little. You can’t toss in some baby spinach or lettuce or something? Whoever is marketing this is trying to get all Pablo Escobar on my salad and I don’t particularly appreciate it.
Okay wait, I’m getting off track again.
So I bought a giant tub of baby arugula and as it turns out, the day before, someone had sent me the link to that stupid “Baby Shark” song that makes no sense because 1 – Sharks don’t have the same family structures as people, B – you don’t ‘run' away from a shark unless you’re in a Sharknado or you’re a fucking idiot; you swim away and then get eaten. Learn your fucking verbs. And, 3 – If I have to hear that song again Imma cut a bitch. But that song made me think about the “Baby Beluga” song. Subsequently, since I bought a giant tub of baby arugula, I have had “baby arugula” stuck in my head to the tune of “baby beluga” but with intermittent “doo doo doo doo doo doo doo” from the stupid baby shark song. This was like 3-4 days ago and it’s still in my head. Suicide is very much an option at the moment.
All of which is to say I learned that I’m not nearly as clever as I thought I was and I’m like, twice as old as I feel.
I’m getting off track here.
Okay, so I bought a salad, only they didn’t have the one I normally get, that's like an actual salad mix, so I just grabbed one without really looking at it and it turns out I bought a giant plastic tub of only organic baby arugula. Which I’m pretty sure is actually one of the alien species from Star Wars and not actually a vegetable. It’s not that I dislike arugula per se, but it’s not something I’d like to eat 15 handfuls of. I mean even cocaine dealers cut their product a little. You can’t toss in some baby spinach or lettuce or something? Whoever is marketing this is trying to get all Pablo Escobar on my salad and I don’t particularly appreciate it.
Okay wait, I’m getting off track again.
So I bought a giant tub of baby arugula and as it turns out, the day before, someone had sent me the link to that stupid “Baby Shark” song that makes no sense because 1 – Sharks don’t have the same family structures as people, B – you don’t ‘run' away from a shark unless you’re in a Sharknado or you’re a fucking idiot; you swim away and then get eaten. Learn your fucking verbs. And, 3 – If I have to hear that song again Imma cut a bitch. But that song made me think about the “Baby Beluga” song. Subsequently, since I bought a giant tub of baby arugula, I have had “baby arugula” stuck in my head to the tune of “baby beluga” but with intermittent “doo doo doo doo doo doo doo” from the stupid baby shark song. This was like 3-4 days ago and it’s still in my head. Suicide is very much an option at the moment.
All of which is to say I learned that I’m not nearly as clever as I thought I was and I’m like, twice as old as I feel.
posted by rpalmeira at 3:16 AM
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