Saturday, November 14, 2015

Crime and Punishment

So I’m watching this action movie and a guy robs a bank. As the heist inevitably goes wrong and they have to take hostages they tell everyone to pull out their cell phones and start destroying them. Then at the end of the movie the bad guys get arrested and the hero walks away like everything is good. But they left the major issue unresolved. If I was in a bank robbery, even if I was the red shirt who got killed off first, I’d want some motherfucker to do some time for destroying my phone. Look, money is money, my deposits are federally insured. I’m just going about my day and some motherfucker destroys my phone. Do you know how much of a pain that is? How long I had to wait in line? I have to reinstall all those goddamn apps. I’d be at the sentencing hearing asking for the statutory maximum if someone destroyed my phone. Send that asshole to China to assemble 300 new ones for each one he destroyed. To hell with the bank robbery, I know the economy is tough and some people don’t have other skills but that doesn’t give you an excuse to destroy selfies I haven’t uploaded to the cloud yet.


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