Glasses

I guess when I was younger I kind of wanted to be that like Football or Basketball team captain, like the hotter guy, so that when girls saw me they'd be all "look at him. I could take him home and do nasty things to him all night."

Problem is, I have ridiculously bad vision. I mean seriously. Glasses like the Hubble goddamn telescope. So when I meet a girl it's more like "look at him. I could take him home and he could fix my computer and setup my WiFi in like a hour."

And as things worked out, I could setup and secure your wireless LAN in half an hour. Sadly, that is not a euphemism.